@

I mark you archetypes:
Clean-cut fame slut
And earnest, humming wakeboard boy,
All American, what puritan joy!
And please and thankee
No hanky-panky
Do praise the Lord
No Betty Ford
‘Cause I’ve seen the seventies
And heaven, please!
It’s getting dark
And Noah’s Ark
Has got to be coming round
‘Cause that roaring sound
In the western sky
Is the fire next time,

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” -Zen aphorism

Death has parted us from another pop star. Whitney Houston, aged 48, drew her final breath inside a bathtub full of water, her heart finally waving the white flag from a fourth-floor hotel room floating somewhere above the boulevards of Beverly Hills.

They come from bars and frat houses,
Chins sporting the last chug’s dregs;
They’ve shut down the POTUS block
Down lawn chairs! Time to tap the kegs!

“Na na na! Hey hey hey! Goodbye!”
Caught in the unstoppered ear—
Perspective fails the sloppy street
It’s just one terrorist’s career!

What giant wheels when Brezhnev sent
Red troops into Afghanistan;
House of Saud and CIA,
Tipped shots to Charlie Wilson’s plan.

“Ding dong the wicked bitch is dead”
Oops! Trampled on the Stars & Stripes—
Flag civics fail the sloppy street
But even vengeance needs wet wipes.

World trade center, USS Cole,
The East African embassies:
Leading up to 9/11,
Murder fashioned by degrees.

“USA! USA! USA!”
Says middle-finger myna bird—
Imagination fails slop street
So back to context-free absurd.

London struck on 7/7,
So many perished in Iraq
(The mission somehow redirected
Till the Vulcans doubled back).

“Na na na! Hey hey hey! Goodbye!”
Caught in the unstoppered ear—
Perspective fails the sloppy street
It’s just one terrorist’s career!

The Taliban rump skulks the hills,
Bully Jihad ducks fury-drones;
How many innocents lie still
Where whitewash hides their spartan bones?

“Ding dong the wicked bitch is dead”
Oops! Trampled on the Stars & Stripes—
Flag civics fail the sloppy street
But even vengeance needs wet wipes.

How many of our soldiers lost
To snipers, maimed by IEDs?
How many workers at Ground Zero
Victims of mystery disease?

“USA! USA! USA!”
Says middle-finger myna bird—
Imagination fails slop street;
So back to context-free absurd.

Al Quaeda loosing dogs of war
In faraway Nigeria;
So many dreams of peace dissolved
On fronts some deem inferior.

“Na na na! Hey hey hey! Goodbye!”
Caught in the unstoppered ear—
Perspective fails the sloppy street
It’s just one terrorist’s career!

So much sludge under the bridge
We stand aloof and watch it fail,
Our petulance only revealed
Wherever petrol goes on sale.

“Ding dong the wicked bitch is dead”
Oops! Trampled on the Stars & Stripes—
Flag civics fail the sloppy street
But even vengeance needs wet wipes.

What intrigue in the Cairo polls?
Who’s quaffing from the Arab Spring?
Who’s paused to moon in pampered awe
When princess donned a silly ring?

“USA! USA! USA!”
Says middle-finger myna bird—
Imagination fails slop street
So back to context-free absurd.

How many at the white house gates
Have given half the world a thought?
Seems leisure of vainglory class
Will always find the glory spot.

Small town living is always the same, whether it’s in Arkansas, Idaho, or Missouri. Built on the backs of linked story collections like Winesboro, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson and Knockemstiff by Donald Ray Pollock, Volt (Graywolf Press) by Alan Heathcock follows the lives of a handful of lost souls, tragedy washing over them like a great flood, people with names like Winslow, and Jorgen, and Vernon. In the fictional town of Krafton, we see what people do when living out in the woods, close to nature. When there’s nothing to do, they make their own fun, picking fights over nothing, running through cornfields, tipping over cows. In a small town, everybody knows everybody, and gets in their business, sometimes to help, and sometimes to enable their own survival.

Throughout Volt we witness loss and gain, tragedy and survival, families united and divided. It is a gut wrenching collection, but it speaks the truth, calling to your attention the rich details of the landscape around us—every gnarled knob, desolate hill and crippled creek.

One of the things that Heathcock does well in this collection is set the stage. You get a strong sense of what it is like to live in Krafton, to struggle there, to survive. In a town like this, you wander the woods. If you don’t have a car, you walk across dirt roads, dogs barking, leaping at chain link fences, tied to a post in the ground. Ramshackle huts flank you on either side, held up by grime and sheer will. From “Lazarus”:

The streets were plowed and salted, filthy banks of snow climbing the poles of lit signs before strips of bright shops. The high walls of the city airport stretched for blocks, a plane lifting off, its lights fading as it passed into the clouds. A day-glo truck pulled beside Vernon, its music thumping. Stoplight after stoplight, so many cars. A line of cars smoked in a chicken restaurant’s drive-through. In what looked like an old department store, a church lay between an insurance agency and a florist.

There is a sense of history in a small town, and a sense of place. Also from “Lazarus”:

The roads were slick and the one-hour drive from the city took two. At the Krafton exit, daylight flashed off the corrugated walls of the old McCallister mill. Vernon surveyed the sparkling land, playing in his mind the knobs beyond the mill, naming who lived on what road, knowing them by their fields, by their barns and kitchens and drawing rooms, knowing kids from parents, aunts from cousins, naming them each by their pains and praises.”

It can be a comforting presence, this familiarity around you. Or it can be suffocating. You can settle in and stay close to family and friends, or you can run like hell. Most don’t get out, unsure of what awaits them in the nearest big city, unable to picture themselves in any other setting, no matter how hard they may want to flee, or how desperate things have gotten. What would they do, who would they turn to? It’s the devil you know, versus the devil you don’t. And oftentimes, you can deal with the devil you know.

Another compelling aspect of this collection is how Heathcock empowers women. We follow Helen, the reluctant sheriff who was elected as a joke but takes her job very seriously—at least on the days that she isn’t ready to call it quits. We see her as an angel of vengeance in “Peacekeeper” and as a waning light in “Volt”. But we see her. She is humanity, in all of its anger and frustration—she is the voice of reason in a chorus of chaos and insanity. She takes her lumps at the hands of the drug-addled and violently unstable, and yet, she continues to get up, and do what is right. These passages are from “Peacekeeper” and show Helen in the true duality of her role as sheriff:

“Parked on the quarry’s service road, the cruiser growing cold with the motor off, Helen sipped peppermint schnapps and considered the world made of her design. My religion is keeping peace, she thought. It hadn’t begun that way, was nothing she’d planned, but now she saw that’s how it was. I just ran a grocery, she thought. I don’t want this. I ain’t the one to make the world right. She swallowed more schnapps, then capped the bottle and put it away in the glove box.”

And later, when required to dispense justice to the murderer and rapist Robert Joakes:

“Helen wore a rain poncho over her coat, wore yellow rubber gloves. She held the lantern to Robert Joakes’s swollen face. Faint plumes of breath trickled from his lips…She considered, as she had many times before, asking him why. But what could he possibly say? What insight could possibly be gleaned? Instead, she inserted the barrel of a shotgun into his mouth. He made noises, not words, gagging on the metal. She set the lantern on the stove, raised her poncho’s hood, turned away her face, and squeezed her gloved thumb over the trigger.”

It weighs heavy on Helen, this work she does, as it does on the reader who has to witness it. But who hasn’t rooted for revenge, for justice, preferring death at the hands of a lawmaker to time behind bars for the criminal, a cushy life with three squares and a television set, life on the inside better then it was out in the real world?

There is a great deal of loss in this collection. There is pain and suffering, questions without answers. Mothers and fathers bear witness to the death of their children, at war, by accident, at the hands of criminals, and their own clumsy mitts as well. The strong survive, the meek crumble and fall. But when the darkness descends, it is family that stands up to help you, no hesitation or explanation required. We see it in “Smoke” as a son helps his father drag a body through the woods, a fight over right of way, two men standing on a road, neither willing to surrender their path. Stubborn old coots that would prefer to die than give in. And we see it in “The Daughter” in which a mother, already filled with despair over the loss of her own mother, finds strength in the actions of her daughter and steps up to help her in the face of random tragedy:

“When she looked up from the sink, a face glared back from the window. Night had come early, and she gazed at her bleary reflection in the snow-streaked glass, stared at the room behind her, its faded wallpaper, its watery light, her baby girl slumped at the spot where each morning her mother had sipped her coffee and worked her puzzles.

Miriam set the sponge beside the sink, dried her trembling hands on the thighs of her jeans. Possessed by a great swelling of love, she went to her daughter and hugged her from behind, Miriam’s cheek pressed into Evelyn’s back. Evelyn clutched her mother’s arms crossed before her, gently kissed Miriam’s wrists.

Then it felt like victory, for they remained. They were still here while others were gone.”

I’ve spent time in small towns. For six months I withered in Conway, Arkansas, working for $5 an hour in a processing plant. And that was one of the good jobs. It was a dry county, and if you wanted something to drink, you went to the bootleggers house, but only if you knew them—shotguns at the door to protect their livelihood. I watched racism explode on Friday nights, driving the alleys, sitting in the back of a pick-up truck, looking for black kids to hassle. I saw people surrender to a life at the rail yard, or the gas station, or the diner, expecting nothing better for themselves, never daring to dream any bigger. I saw girls cheat on their boys, drunk driving and domestic violence, and what it does to somebody when they pull up the rug of their house, and there is dirt underneath, instead of concrete.

When there is no stability, no permanence, and nothing on the horizon, when the only way that you’re going to have dinner is if you wander into the woods and kill it yourself—this is the tension I felt reading Volt. In Alan Heathcock there is a whisper of the lyrical Cormac McCarthy, the authority of the aforementioned Donald Ray Pollock, and the danger of Benjamin Percy. You may not come out of this collection whistling “Dixie” and it may darken your soul for a spell, but you’ll come out of it with a sense of gratitude for the tragedy you’ve avoided, and a humble grace for being allowed to see the light.


It was early in the morning.  Lori answered the phone and handed it to me.  My father’s voice.

“Uche…there’s been a terrible…”

“Uche…you should know…”

A pause as gruesome guesswork played through my mind.  I wanted to hear rather than continue imagining, but did I really want to hear?  He drew a constricted breath, and it came in a wave before his voice broke.

“Uche, Chika died tonight.  Imose died tonight.  Little Anya is just barely hanging on…”

Died.  Died.  Barely hanging on.

My nieces.

In early 2006 Lori and I went to Mbang’s wedding near London.  Her sister Ubu was my closest cousin.  We’d spent summers at each others’ homes.  We shared a lot of that sense that comes with being the eldest of three that life is full of responsibilities, that in these lie many trials, that in those lie many joys, with the whole caressed in deep serenity.

We both felt the same thing and characterized it differently.  Ubu was a strong, evangelical Christian who did a lot to keep that current strong within her family.  I ditched Catholicism the moment I could.  I’m a carefully-considered agnostic with a sense towards brahma—towards immanent connectedness, but in a style incompatible with the idea of spirit, which seems pathetic fallacy.  I believe having lived a moment is to have consummated a purpose.  Whatever glee or sorrow may lie in moments to come has no power over the blessing of that consummated purpose.  The arrow of time is a doom, and a salvation.

A doom.

Ubu fagged unbelievably hard for her sister’s wonderful wedding.  Lori and I knew something was wrong, but we figured it was exhaustion, despite a detail I’ll never forget—Ubu and dem sisteren surprising Mbang with an energetic, impromptu serenade of Method Man, “You’re all I need to get by”.

Lori and I didn’t join the trip to Nigeria for the traditional wedding.

Arrow of time.

By the Nigerian wedding it was probably too late for Ubu.  She died under some of the best medical care anywhere.  There are many accomplished doctors in my family.

Arrow of time.

Had anyone guessed early enough it was disease and not fatigue, Ubu probably would not have died.

Does calling it the arrow of god change anything?

Yes.  The vehicle of comfort.  Nigeria is an oppressively religious place. Mbang and brother Onebieni were surrounded by piety.  They find comfort in expecting to see Ubu again.

And me?  Considering how young Ubu died, she was a veritable ocean of consummated purpose.  Price and available flights made it impossible to attend the funeral in Nigeria.  It was probably just as well, considering my very personal, if vigorous reaction to her death.

My cousin.

❧❧❧

Later that year, on 1 December 2007, when the call came, I was just over thirty-eight.  I’d never been to a funeral.

I didn’t say much to my father.  I asked whether I could speak to my brother, Chimezie.  I had no idea what I would say.  That conversation is the part of the night I remember least.

Onebieni and his girlfriend, now soon to be wife, Tolu, had just come to visit us in Colorado. Part of a trip around the world.  He’d almost not been able to graduate, suffering from the loss of his sister, but he’d persevered to become the newest doctor in the family.  After visiting us he visited Chimezie and Roschelle in Cleveland.  They went for an evening out and left the girls at home with babysitters.  The fire started in a baseboard heater.  An unfortunate succession of events did right away for Imose and Chika.  After Chimezie I think of Onebieni.


Anyachiemeka, Imose and Chikaora



When I got to Akron the Children’s Hospital was choked with relatives and well-wishers.  The nurses had never seen the like.  It was a loud, Nigerian, Christian melee.  I knew that would suit Roschelle, an evangelical herself, but what of Chimezie, who’s like me except with a readier ear to the East?  Tao Te Ching.  I’m very sympathetic to Tao.  Chimezie lives it.  We were conjoined with the throngs in the hospital, bless them, willing Anya to live while mourning her sisters.

I needed quiet.  I needed reflection.  I abhorred formula.  I needed to stick my fingers, raw and dripping blood, into the jagged complexity of the whole tragedy.  I needed to strip off my flesh working for my brother.  I remembered Ubu at the wedding.

Anya succumbed three days later.  As my father put it at their funeral (yes, my first funeral was a real doozy), “I’ve been to war, and I’ve never seen a soldier fight as Anya did.”  Chimezie’s remaining child, his young son Chidi, had come from Houston with his mother and stepfather just in time to say goodbye to his sister.  Lori had come as well.  We’d given my eldest, Osita the choice of whether to attend.  He declined.  Overall, he dealt with the event with a quiet, alert reflection that perhaps reflects his father.

I’m one of three boys.  Lori and I have always wanted girls.  We have three boys.  My parents always wanted granddaughters.  Chimezie and Roschelle seemed the only ones who could provide.  Three girls by 2007.

Arrow of time.

My youngest, Udoka (“Peace reigns”) is a fireball, but even he used to find Chika a handful.  Till today he’ll often spontaneously say “Chika is always pushing me”.

Chimezie and Roschelle have persevered heroically. They renewed their vows and had another daughter, Ngozi (“Blessing”).

I sometimes wonder whether tragedy could strike my own household.  I live what I’ve shared with Ubu: My responsibilities today are consummated purpose that will survive any tragedy, even when it takes the young.

Paradox?

Purpose can work beyond a self into others, thus cheating the arrow of time.  This doesn’t always happen, but when it does, it’s a salvation, however you frame that word.

Beatitude beyond all time and all understanding. Such a gift from four people departed so young.


✄ ✄ ✄

29 Comments copied from the former TNB site »

Comment by Ducky |Edit This
2009-09-15 09:12:00

Uche – I’m so very sorry for your loss. Such a tragedy. Thank you for sharing.
That arrow of time can be a bitch.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-15 16:35:11

Thanks. Yes it can be, but it is also inspiration for everything beautiful. One occasional benefit of religion is to inspire poetry, so here, form an agnostic, is the well-known Ecclesiasticus 9:11 (my translation from the Vulgate):

I looked about and saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise nor riches to the learned nor favor to the skilled, but that time sets upon all.

Comment by Ducky |Edit This
2009-09-16 09:10:02

Yes, time does set upon us all. I don’t know what is out there, but I hope that whatever is past our own life is as beautiful as life.

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Comment by Zara Potts |Edit This
2009-09-15 10:19:21

Oh, Uche.
I am so sorry.
What beautiful and cheeky girls. And what a monstrous thing to happen. I’m glad to read that Chimezie and Roschelle have the blessing of Ngozi.
Thank you for writing this and my heart goes out to all of your family.
Kia Kaha.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-15 16:16:58

Thank you. O di kwa mma = It is quite well.

Comment by Rob Bloom |Edit This
2009-09-15 10:36:13

Truly sorry for your loss. Beautiful girls.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-15 16:36:50

Thanks. They certainly were.

Comment by Erika Rae |Edit This
2009-09-15 10:41:03

I’ll never forget that call from the airport.

People say the one must be so strong to survive such tragedies. While this may be true, I think it is more the result rather than the prerequisite. And if the resultant strength is proportionate to loss, then you are hands down the strongest person I know.

What a blessing those girls were in their moment.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-15 16:40:10

“I’ll never forget that call from the airport.”

I imagine. I’ll never forget your friendship, then and ever.

“People say the one must be so strong to survive such tragedies. While this may be true, I think it is more the result rather than the prerequisite. And if the resultant strength is proportionate to loss, then you are hands down the strongest person I know.”

Very kind of you, especially since that’s precisely how I measure my brother.

“What a blessing those girls were in their moment.”

And it amazes me the extent to which my family has carried their moment forward. Blessings are the ultimate superpower.

Comment by Dana |Edit This
2009-09-15 10:58:12

Heartwrenching, Uche. I’m so sorry you’ve had to endure so much loss.

And that was wonderfully put Erika.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-15 16:44:23

Thanks you, Dana.

Comment by Irene Zion |Edit This
2009-09-15 13:06:35

Uche.

These facts you have told us are unspeakable.
I wish I had not looked at the picture.
Beautiful people/horrible death
Whatever philosophy or religion you espouse, there is no solving that math.
I, also, am deeply sorry for your loss.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-15 16:47:26

Thanks. Yes, the important bit is to recognize that it’s not something that should be solved. It is beyond all understanding, and that’s the only home of true peace.

Comment by Don Mitchell |Edit This
2009-09-15 14:44:46

Uche – I join the others in being sorry for your loss. Time’s arrow, indeed.

The two paragraphs below the photo are quite wonderful. You distilled a universe into those few sentences.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-15 16:48:45

“Uche – I join the others in being sorry for your loss. Time’s arrow, indeed.”

Thank you.

“The two paragraphs below the photo are quite wonderful. You distilled a universe into those few sentences.”

That makes my day.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-15 16:15:42

It’s taken me a while to figure out how to respond to these comments.

First of all, thanks to everyone for their condolences. I can well imagine that hearing of such a tragedy it’s hard to even think beyond it. I suppose somewhere deep down I thought it might be the case that the tragedy would defeat my purpose in writing the piece.

Paradoxically, the entire point of my piece was to deny the tragedy such power; to forbid it from sucking all the life out of any discussion. It’s perhaps the hardest assessment I’ll ever try to make in my lifetime, but I think that on balance, my family has succeeded in wresting that power from the tragedy. Clearly we’ve had to bleed every drop from our veins several times over before any such healing. Perhaps it’s impossible to share the resulting, transcendent peace. Perhaps it was foolish for me to try.

I do want to say that it was not intended as a sympathy piece. Farthest ever from. That much said, I repeat my appreciation. I do want everyone to know, with the disclaimer once again of the difficulty of any such assessment, that my family is well.

Thanks.

Comment by Aaron Dietz |Edit This
2009-09-17 19:51:55

Uche, this comment of yours is nicely done, as is your piece of course. To not allow an event its voice is to squash parts of a person in unhealthy ways. I like the brave manner in which you dive into the material to let it out.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-18 04:01:18

Thanks. I’m reminded how at the very first (over the phone) I was terrified of speaking to Chimezie, and I now have no idea what I said. I had the same terror coming to see him and Roschelle at the hospital for the first time. Watching Anya helped a great deal because she was so obviously fighting until the last minute. I didn’t get to mention it in the piece, but Anya, the youngest of the three girls, gave a lot of us unnatural strength. When I speak of consummated purpose, Anya’s last days are the superlative example. I think there is a lot of that strength borrowed from Anya in what you read above.

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Comment by Lenore Zion |Edit This
2009-09-15 20:58:24

this was a beautifully written tribute to them, and they were beautiful girls.

whatever the topic, uche, i am always drawn to your writing. you work sentences together so beautifully, and i’m glad those lovely girls have you to write about them.

Comment by D.R. Haney |Edit This
2009-09-16 02:22:44

Lenore says what I would like to say, but much better than I would have been able to say it.

I was also quite taken with the below, which is likewise something I would have great difficulty articulating:

“I believe having lived a moment is to have consummated a purpose. Whatever glee or sorrow may lie in moments to come has no power over the blessing of that consummated purpose. The arrow of time is a doom, and a salvation.”

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-16 05:57:04

Thanks, Duke,

That is precisely the center of what I wanted to communicate. I’ve always felt that we could use more discussion of how people cope with tragedy and loss from a more generally humanistic perspective. There is plenty in academic philosophy, but I think it would be nice to have more from a visceral, personal perspective. I was hoping to do my tiny part, and I was hoping that doing so would be a fitting tribute to those I’ve lost.

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Comment by D.R. Haney |Edit This
2009-09-16 22:32:41

You more than succeeded, Uche.

Comment by Greg Olear |Edit This
2009-09-16 15:38:20

I also extend my condolences to you and your family. I can’t even imagine something like that happening — it’s literally unthinkable.

And that is a great line you’ve written, as Duke pointed out…it’s almost a beatitude itself, something to meditate upon.

Peace.
Greg

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Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-16 19:37:55

Thanks. The firemen visited the assembled family just before the funeral to tell us the results of their investigation. I’d been pretty stoic until then, even in saying goodbye to Anya, not because I was trying to be so, but because I think I was just stunned. Throwing myself into all the work that needed to be done on the family’s behalf was not much more than a series of nervous spasms.

As the firemen laid out the time line it became clear that if several events had happened just a bit differently, the scale of the tragedy could have been lessened. It remined me of how easily Ubu’s death could have been avoided. I pretty much collapsed right then and there and let all the grief overpower me. The course had been set, and even though budging it a millimeter would have meant the world, time’s arrow was the ultimate barrier, doom. I pondered that for a long time, and it came to me how it also served as salvation. Those are not two easy thoughts to keep in one’s head at the same time, but doing so made all the difference to me.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-16 06:05:47

Thanks, Lenore. On re-reading it did strike me that I wrote this piece a bit differently. I’m usually a spasmodic explosion of ideas and allusions. I suppose it’s natural that I’m so much more constrained and somber this time.

I wrote a lot about personal philosophy around serenity through reflection in the days after the funeral. I hope to organize those notes and make something of them some day.

Comment by Megan DiLullo |Edit This
2009-09-16 13:05:44

This is a beautiful tribute, Uche.

You are a strong and thoughtful person and I’m thankful you shared this with us all.

My thoughts are with you.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-16 19:46:18

Thanks, Megan. One thing I haven’t mentioned is that the torrent of outpouring, from family friends worldwide, from the very large African community in Cleveland and beyond, from Chimezie and Rochelle’s neighborhood (Lomond), from churches and charities all over, from numerous worldwide members of the profession I share with Chimezie, to many unions in Cleveland who donated almost all the labor for rebuilding the house, and many many more. So many people shared with us, so sharing has been the default state. And that itself is a tribute to the girls.

Comment by Marni Grossman |Edit This
2009-09-17 23:07:57

Your nieces were so beautiful. And this is such a gorgeous, heartbreaking tribute to them. And to your cousin.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-09-18 04:05:38

Thank you, Marni.

Mitochondrial DNA is a profound, primeval truth.  As far back as all the creatures we can see with our naked eye, ourselves included, it’s meant that the blueprints for the energy of our lives are passed only through the lines of mothers.  Poetry is all about such profound truths.  Sometimes those truths possess lives in cruel ways.  Sylvia Plath is known as a writer and a woman who killed herself.  Her daughter became a writer.  Her son has just killed himself.  A tragic purification of the mitochondrial line.  It so happens that Sylvia’s imagined rival, mistress of her husband Ted Hughes, and Sylvia’s rival to the dramatic (but not poetically) minded, also killed herself, and her daughter with Hughes.  But that is soap opera, not poetry.

The power of that popular drama is pretty compelling.  Masses of inferior poetasters (OK, I’ll say it—like Anne Sexton) were mostly interested in Sylvia’s reflected notoriety, a notoriety, I think, that also raised sensation over the sort of solid poetical talent that, say, Denise Levertov had on offer.

I’ve always been keen to look past all that.  I don’t know Sylvia nor Ted nor their children personally, and there is plenty of drama to be found among people I do know.  The universe, however, has perhaps never seen so much poetry concentrated in one phenomenon as in the union of Ted and Sylvia.

That’s why, when I heard of Nick’s suicide yesterday, the first thing that flooded my mind was not “Oh, that sad, tragic family”.  No.  The first thing was the poetry.

Sylvia and kids

Love set you going like a fat gold watch

That line was for Frieda.  The one who writes.  The one who lives.  It has that Sylvia-line quality of leaving you gasping.  It beautifully illustrates her mastery of stress (in prosody, of course, which is why we must leave aside that the stress of life led her to the oven).  tick…tick…BANG!BANG!BANG!  I love reciting this “Morning Song” to my children at bedtimes.  When Osita was about four years old he interrupted me at

I’m no more your mother…

O: Hey, Dad.  That part’s all right for you.

Of course it is.  I don’t share mitochondrial DNA with Osita.  I stand under the golden bough, and wait for him to come and kill me, and to stand in my place, waiting for his son, if any.  And what is the poetry of a son killing his father?  It’s in the very name of my father’s home village.  Umunakanu, which is Igbo for: “May my children be greater than me.”  I don’t remember what I replied to Osita.  But I do have what I wrote later, in “Rooting Reflex”, for Udoka.

I’m no more your mother
Than the nervous squibs of smell, sight and sound the brain balls
into love.

(And yes, I know how foolish it is to put my own lines down in the same article as Sylvia’s and Ted’s, but poetry tolerates even foolishness where it faithfully seeks meaning).

Sylvia has also been there for Lori and me.  When she was pregnant with Osi, and we took winter walks in Ft. Collins, I would often recite “Metaphors” to her.

This loaf’s big with its yeasty rising.
Money’s new-minted in this fat purse.

L: You know.  That wouldn’t come off flattering to a Cosmo girl.

U: Good job you’re not a Cosmo girl, what?

L: And what’s that supposed to mean, anyway?

So even though I’ve never been interested in any hint of a truce in the battle between the sexes, and certainly no such weak-kneed pap for my own marriage, I’ve shared with Lori some of the feminist’s loud indignation of Ted, if only (again) because of irresistible poetry.

I made a model of you,.
A man in black with a Meinkampf look
And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said I do, I do.

Oh you did.  So bring it, sister! What?!

I fell in love with Sylvia’s words in college, when I thought I could never reconcile myself enough to women to marry, all the while knowing I wanted a family, and pouring the energy of that contradiction into my reading and writing.  I always knew that when I had a family, I’d have to share Sylvia with them.  But not Ted.  Ted is mine.

I awoke to a shout.
“I am the Alpha and Omega”
Rocks and a few trees trembled
Deep in their own country.

(Off-head, so may be off a bit.  I looked on-line and can’t find Ted’s “Gog” anywhere.  I’ll probably seek it out in my books and post it myself).  Ted has always expressed perfectly the distance that I know is one of my own most intrinsic qualities.  The distance that was always obvious with my father, and that I already see in my three young sons—maybe I’ll have to share Ted, after all.  It’s a distance I’ve become pretty good at closing when it suits me, like Ted striding across a crowded party, seeing Sylvia for the first time, to seize her, and to pound a kiss into her face. The soap opera says some salacious things but truth is in the poetry.  The distance was the “rack and the screw”.

I awoke to a song jarring my mouth.
Where the skull-rooted teeth are in possession
I am massive on earth
My feet-bones beat on the earth
Over the sound of motherly weeping

You can read right there where love electrified the colossus like a cavity punched through the dentin.  Love maddened him with pain, and yet it never closed the distance to the object of that love.  Because it’s not supposed to.  The point of an all-consuming presence is that distance doesn’t matter (or shouldn’t).  Closing, weaving, stitching, cinching—that’s not how the colossus works.  He doesn’t gently spin the strand of mitochondrial DNA.  He sharpens his sword and strides off to the golden bough to cut something.  Indeed sometimes what the father doesn’t want to share, the son takes by force.  I think Osi was closer to five when I was reading from Crow to him.

God tried to teach Crow how to talk.
“Love,” said God. “Say, Love.”

I got around to:

Crow convulsed, gaped, retched and
Man’s bodiless prodigious head
Bulbed out onto the earth, with swivelling eyes,
Jabbering protest—

And Osi chuckled.  It was my turn to gape.  And to fume a bit.  I recite all sorts of poetry to the kids.  I want to give them a chance to enjoy the texture of language well before they become preoccupied with the drama it conveys.  But Osi was chuckling at Crow.  It seemed a bit too early for the duel under the golden bough.

Indeed sometimes what the father doesn’t want to share, the son takes by force. It’s too pat to draw a direct line, because poetry best conveys truth in intricately woven strands, but Nicholas did meet an untimely end in some form of struggle, and his mother’s poem still does echo, in a way that I cannot get out of my head.

Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I’m through.


✄ ✄ ✄

7 Comments copied from the archive TNB site »

2009-03-25 10:15:07

Yes, I found the news of this latest suicide fest fairly devastating. For utterly different reasons, really, than those here. I love Plath, though have never been interested in blaming Hughes for her death. (Unless you lock someone in a dungeon and starve and torture them daily in a windowless room, but provide them with a cyanide tablet should they choose to use it, I don’t really buy that anyone “causes” another’s suicide.) I heard this news of Nicholas’ suicide rather as a mother, and it has knocked me on my ass. The way your blood and your choices impact your children is staggering. The weight of that. Oh, if only Sylvia had known. If only depression didn’t make such incredible Narcissists of its sufferers, which is, of course, exactly what it does, exactly its horrible curse.
Had she only known.
Or maybe it would have turned out this way anyway, even if she had forced herself to live. Maybe it was in his DNA. Who knows?
That baby whose mother loved him and immortalized him in poems. The man he became: dead now.
It’s harrowing.
A very close friend of mine’s father blew his brains out in their home 30 years ago to the day this Friday. To say that their family has continued to suffer the mad (and not at all Poetic) impact of this would be the understatement of the century.
And poor Frieda. I keep thinking of that Faulkner line, something like, “I’m afraid that you and I are among those who are doomed to live.”
She is the only one so-doomed now.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-03-25 13:41:58

Hi Gina,

I just want to touch on on one thing. This tragedy can only mean anything to me in a poetical sense, not in a visceral sense. I’m just human. There is only so much we can take into our viscera. World Health Organization (WHO) estimates are of 2-3 suicides per minute worldwide, with at least 20 times that many attempts. We cannot feel all that pain. I think there is an impulse in the modern West to pretend we can. In my opinion the true result of that is grotesque. We end up obsessive and grieving over the cases that media selects for us. When Madeleine McCann disappears (I had to look her up, and the ease with which I found it was illustrative) or baby M gets lost down a well, it’s a national tragedy. But children are murdered, kidnapped, abused, etc. every minute, and in indulging our sensitivities about the celebrated cases, we too often reinforce our insensitivities to those who have not been elected to our attention.

In the case of Nicholas Hughes, I do not know him. I do not with to pretend that his should be a personal tragedy for me. But I do know and love the poetry of his parents, and I’m trying to be honest and forthright about the only real reason his suicide has had a particular effect on me. It’s the tangle of relationships and phenomena interwoven from their poetry to my life. Clearly the effect on that family of the biographical details behind the poetry are not poetical. They are visceral. If, for example, one day I were to meet Frieda, that would probably increase the degree to which it’s a visceral matter for me. I do think that’s just normal and healthy.

2009-03-25 16:05:32

Well, this has a lot to do with the impact of art vs. media, I think. I think I know the Madeleine McCann case, that she was the little English girl who was stolen from a hotel (though I may be confusing her with somebody else), and yes, what you’re talking about has to do with a media engine selecting (basically at random, though perhaps due to certain sensational details) individual cases of tragedy and assigning–for the general public–a greater Meaning to these cases than to the dozens, hundreds, thousands or millions of other cases very similar in nature. Who is that filter and how is it controlled, and is the public even aware of the way our emotions are being manipulated, etc.–these are all huge questions.

I do think to many (most) people, there IS some sense of awareness that emotional manipulation is involved, and that these cases selected by the media serve less as visceral and personal than as somehow, yes, poetic or symbolic in nature, touching off awareness of larger things in the culture or perhaps echoing things that have happened in one’s personal/family life, etc. People are “reminded” of other, larger things, and they have feelings about those things, and those feelings are transferred onto the individual thing being thrust into their faces on TV.

For a smaller group of people (and these people get a lot of attention in the same media that randomly selects the cases of tragedy to focus on) the tragedies of total strangers become an obsession or a cult or “personal” to them in a way that borders on pathological. This happened with the Jon Benet Ramsey case (am I spelling that correctly?), and yes, it also happened with the feminist obsession of and idolization of Plath and demonization of Hughes.

I’d venture, though, that Plath/Hughes and their children ARE quite different from arbitrary media cases in that art–truly powerful art like the kind they both created–genuinely touches people in a highly individual way. If anything, the “folly” of people feeling so intensely about Plath and Hughes is more akin to the folly of falling madly in love with and identifying with a character in a great work of literature: Madame Bovary or Oliver Twist or Holden C. or Gatsby–or a character we ourselves are writing about who for a time consume our lives. Such characters truly deeply impact people in a timeless and personal way that is qualitatively different from the way we’re impacted from reading about a tragedy in People magazine. There is folly, yes (and perhaps worse than folly) in “reducing” Plath or Hughes or Nicholas to the role of “character”–for indeed they are real people, or were, and not people we “know” in the flesh. But we feel we know them through their use of art, which I would venture is in great part what art is all about, right? That connection across time and irrespective of meeting in the flesh. We truly feel we know their minds, and they stay with us as “friends” of a sort. No, it isn’t mutual (they don’t know us!) but this is the kind of intimacy art/poetry tends to foster, I guess: a one-sided intimacy that is both real and not-real at once. I’m not sure that, with the best art, there is that much of a difference for many readers between the visceral and the poetic. (Though certainly an argument could be made that there should be–and an argument could be made that there should not be, and that could go on and on.)

So yes, you’re right in that for most of the people grieving the Poetic Fate of Nicholas Hughes, this is not a personal tragedy, and there can be something obscene in trying to pretend that it is. Yet it’s also very true and real that a few generations of lives now have been touched by Plath and Hughes and their work in a way that is very different from the way people are impacted by a case like Baby M. (Which is not to say that such cases don’t genuinely sadden people, or that people should feel ashamed of being sad about it, as though it is somehow a politically incorrect Westernism to feel bad about a baby falling down a well, etc.) It is all very complex. People feel a sense of the vastness and commonplace nature of death and suffering, and yet no one can hold all that knowledge at one time or touch it with their own life, and so everyone has a filter, and for some the filter is the media, and for others it is art, and for still others it has to do with actual action like volunteering or working with battered women or a relief organization or a hospital, etc., in the sense that even a doctor grieves his own individual patients without full and total consciousness of how cheap death really is, how many people worldwide are ravaged by the same disease. The personal makes it feel bigger. And art, I would venture, is genuinely (if not fully) personal.

I thought 3 things when I heard about Nicholas Hughes. I thought first of my own 3 year old son, and the way that all parents–through suicide or simply the natural passage of age and time and death–must leave our children to their own fates and are rarely there to see them through the end. Then I thought of the Nicholas of Plath’s poetry and the illusory sense of his “realness” to me as a person. And finally I thought second of my friend whose father killed himself and who is herself going through a depression right now, and I hoped that somehow the news of this suicide might not reach her (which is, of course, impossible–she already knows of it, clearly, the media being what it is) because it might give her ideas: that the Poetry of it can be dangerous, if you are in a place like where she is.

And all 3 things did, and still do, make me sad.

Beautiful piece. And a lot to consider.

Nice meeting you at AWP, btw!

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-03-25 19:51:50

Gina,

I do think that when it comes to the nuts and bolts, we have a pretty large difference in how we reacted to this tragedy, and I can sense that it’s all bound up in philosophy, personality and circumstance, and I think it’s a very healthy and respectable difference.

But never mind all that. You’ve expressed something very striking to me. You’ve touched on the complexity of the fact that poetry about Nicholas–poetry bound in his life story–brings him very close to those of us who cherish that poetry. Despite that, and partly because of that there is a further tragedy in his illusory self. Poetry that nourishes you and me represented a very real danger to Nicholas. The Times article I quoted I think made similar points, but in a sort of ticking-off-points way, as expected of journalism, or–dare I say–soap opera. You, on the other hand, write very clearly and urgently about the continuum of dramatic and real tragedy, and how it affects those near and distant. You’ve really given me something to think about. Thank you. And out of gratitude I won’t gush about how you made my thoughts spin to Pygmalion, and to consideration that the same tragedy that in drama brings catharsis offers no such benefit in real life. I guess there’s no reforming someone who has become addicted to poetic truth.

One thing I want to clarify: I’m no knee-jerk detractor of Western values and tendencies. Living in Boulder, I find myself defending those far more often that I’d expect. But there are a few things that I’ve never become used to, and one of them is the extent to which the sensational gets translated to the personal through agency of the media in the US and Europe. You say this is probably mostly affectation, but from my personal observation, I’m really not so sure. I think an easy test of it is how often such impressions and prejudices get turned into public policy, from unequal definition and application of penal code to disproportionate spending of public funds to address whatever cause may be in vogue. Prejudice, distorted interests and judgments happen everywhere, but the excessive effect of sensationalized individual cases does seem to me far more common in the US and parts of Europe.

Speaking of Boulder. I can’t believe I was reaching for examples in Portugal, and such, and I completely forgot the Ramsey case. Well, then again, I guess it fits. The Ramsey drama peaked before I moved to Colorado, and I’ve studiously ignored all the drama.

Finally, I wasn’t at AWP, but from your page you’re in Chicago? I used to live in Mt. Prospect. I sometimes go back to Chicago, and next time, we just have to meet for tea.

2009-03-26 05:59:33

Your point about the penal system is so enormously true that yes, it does rather belie any optimism of my interpreting those media sensations as largely affectation, yes.
Crap–you weren’t at AWP? Hmm . . . who do I now think is “you,” I wonder? This is so sadly typical of me . . .
Please do signal if you come to town!

(Comments wont nest below this level)

Comment by Erika Rae |Edit This
2009-03-25 20:34:24

Powerful post, Uche – gave me much to think about. I enjoyed the shared dialogue btwn you and Lori – good stuff, that. Osi has very big shoes to fill before he meets you under that tree.

Good to read you, friend.

Comment by Uche Ogbuji |Edit This
2009-03-26 08:55:23

Thanks. Of course that was 9 years ago, so the dialogue isn’t exact. She might have thrown something like “punk ass” into her response.

I’ve been absolutely eaten up by work since the new year. We’re busy so we’re making hay while the sun shines. In this economy who knows how suddenly it might set. The Nicholas news did startle me back into my moth-eaten creative clothes, and I hope I can keep them on a while.

And I haven’t seen you in ages. The way it’s dumping snow right now it might be a few days more, but let’s plan something.


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