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Story may contain traces of peanuts. Do not operate heavy machinery after use. Do not swallow.

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Hi Christian, thanks for agreeing to do this interview. I have to say that you’re shorter than I expected.

Um, thanks.

So what do you think makes you qualified to write about white people?

Well I like to say that I have 32 years of experience. (CRICKETS). Well, I don’t really think anything qualifies me as the expert. I’m really just the guy who started writing about it. I think I have been especially blessed with a talent for observation due to my being Canadian.

Why does being Canadian imbibe you with an observational acumen?

One of the things you learn very early on as a Canadian is that literally no one outside of Canada cares what’s happening in your country. We have spent our entire national existence trying to get some sort of credit or recognition from the UK and more recently the United States. I don’t mean recognition like an award, just recognition that something is happening in Canada besides hockey. We are literally a self deprecating country. So when you come to this realization, you spend most of your life looking outward and observation what the English and the Americans are doing. Mostly so we can dress better.