Dad: Your mother wanted me to talk to you about something.

(Insert silence)

Rich: What?

Dad: How do I say this? When two people…when a man and woman are in love and--

Rich: Is this about sex?

Dad: How do you know about sex?

Rich: School.

Dad: What did you hear about it?

Rich: Nothing.

Dad: Do you know how it works?

Rich: N'uh uh.

Dad: Would you like me to explain?

Rich: I guess so.

Dad: Well when a man and woman want to be intimate and--

Rich: What does intimate mean?

Dad: When a man and woman love each other.

Rich: Do you and mom love each other?

Dad: Yes.

Rich: You don't act like it sometimes.

(Insert silence)

Dad: Your mother and I love each other very much.

Rich: Did you and mom love each other when you made me?

Dad: I think we're getting a little off the point here. Let's talk about sex. Alright?

Rich: Alright.

Dad: When a man and woman want to make a baby they have what is called sex. Do you understand?

Rich: I think so.

Dad: Would you like me to explain how sex works?

(Insert silence)

Rich: I guess so. Alright.

Dad: Think of it like this. It's a little like sticking a broomstick into a mousehole and--

Rich: I once saw that on Tom and Jerry. Tom was sticking this broomstick into Jerry's mousehole and--

Dad: That's not what I mean.

Rich: Really?

Dad: Really.

Rich: Good. Cause that was pretty scary.

(Insert silence)

Rich: So what do you mean?

Dad: A man has something between his legs called a penis, which looks a little like a broomstick and he'll stick that...son, what are you doing?

Rich: Looking to see if mine looks like a broomstick.

Dad: Son, get your damn hands out of your pants and let me finish here.

(Insert silence)

Dad: Stop crying.

(Insert longer, more awkward silence, followed by soft choking sobs)

Dad: Stop crying, son. It's alright. Just let me finish. Alright?

Rich: A-a-a-alright.

Dad: Anyway, the man sticks his thing that looks like a broomstick into something between a woman's legs that looks like a mousehole and--

Rich: That's gross.

Dad: Well it's not gross when a man and woman and woman love each other.

Rich: Do you and mom love each other?

Dad: Wait, I haven't finished telling you about sex yet.

TAGS: intimate, Rich Ferguson, Sex, Tom and Jerry

RICH FERGUSON has performed across the country and has been heard on many radio stations, including WBAI in New York City, KCRW and KPFK in Southern California, and World Radio. He has shared the same stage with Patti Smith and Janet Hamill, Exene Cervenka, David Thomas of Pere Ubu, Holly Prado, and many other esteemed poets and musicians. He has performed at the Redcat Theater in Disney Hall, the Electric Lodge (Venice, CA), The Knitting Factory (NYC & LA), the South by Southwest Music Festival, the North By Northwest Music Festival, the Henry Miller Library, Tongue and Groove, Beyond Baroque, and the Topanga Film Festival. On the college circuit he has performed at UC Irvine, UC-Santa Barbara, UCLA, El Camino College, and Cal State Northridge. He is a featured performer in the sequel to the film 1 Giant Leap. It’s called What About Me, and also features Michael Stipe, Michael Franti, K.D. Lang, Krishna Das, and others. Ferguson has studied poetry with Allen Ginsberg and fiction writing with Aimee Bender and Sid Stebel. In addition, he has been published in the LA TIMES, spotlighted on PBS (Egg: The Art Show), is a regular contributor to The Nervous Breakdown, and his spoken word/music CD, entitled Where I Come From, was produced by Herb Graham Jr. (John Cale, Macy Gray).

Related Posts The Nervous Breakdown’s Literary Experience at The Echo in Los Angeles - 04.10.10 by  MILO MARTIN Spring by  ALEXANDER MAKSIK My Last Relationship (tears, sex, soup, surprise) by  PETER SCHWARTZ All That Glitters by  ZARA POTTS Duke Goes Joyriding by  D.R. HANEY

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 5th, 2007 at 4:37 am and is filed under Memoir, Nonfiction. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.