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Your book is coming out in paperback.  Isn’t that the literary equivalent of straight-to-DVD?

Are you really going to open this interview by insulting me?

What’s the meanest thing you have ever done?

Christ. I haven’t done it yet. But since I daydream about it so often, I guess I can just put it out there: I intend to find my paternal grandmother’s ashes and piss on them. Twice. I told my dad about this. He thinks it’s pretty ambitious.


The nicest?

Married someone I only half-liked.


Have you ever shoplifted?

Yes. It used to be what me and my girlfriends did after school. We planned the stores we were going to hit, the way regular people decide where they’re going to eat. “No, I’m not in the mood to go to Marshall’s. Let’s go to Payless instead.” Terrible. We were on the honor roll, too. Which is funny, the way Catholic school kids on heroin is funny.

The one time I got caught was at Stater Bros.’ grocery store. I stole a box of Jell-O Pudding Pops. I went to juvie for it. So embarrassing (although not half as bad as my uncle who got busted for stealing a Thigh Master.)


How do you find time to write with five children?

I wait until everyone is asleep. Then I try to pound out as many poems as possible, which is why I honestly can’t remember writing some of my own poems. I’ll come across one on the computer and assume my boo wrote it.


It’s made clear through your poems that you are obsessed with three main topics: Bestiality, Mermaid Abuse, and Parental Hate. Anything else you want to include?

No, that pretty much covers it. Although, I should put out there, I do not hate my dad. He’s come a long way. We both have. My mother, however, can go ahead and get chomped down by a dinosaur for all I care. I’ll always have issues with mermaids because I am filled with ocean envy (I am afraid of it, therefore love it.) Bestiality has always amused me. I’ll just leave it at that.


Well, now I have to ask – If you had to have sex with any animal, what would it be?

Heh, “had.” Okay. So, if I had to have sex with an animal, it would be a giant dog. Like a Great Dane or Mastiff. Or one of those Scottish dogs … what is that breed? With a mustache? And they look good in Sherlock Holmes hats? The breed escapes me. I’ll come back to that later.


Your new book, Walking Through Walls, is about a psychic interior decorator…sounds like a gay science fiction novel.

What a great idea for my next book!  You are partially right.  The book is the true story of my father who was a high-society interior decorator with clients like the Presidents of Cuba and Haiti as well as assorted mobsters and rich ladies.  Then one day in the late 60s  he suddenly discovers that he can talk to dead people and heal the sick.  Overnight our house became like Lourdes with sick people lining up for their miracle cure.


For real?

You can’t make this stuff up.  In fact, my father tape recorded his healings and his phone calls which I used as source material for the book.  If you go to www.WalkingThroughWallsTheBook.com you can see his healing tools, actual letters from people he healed and his psychic dictation.

Psychic dictation?  What’s that?

Every morning around 4 AM my father’s spirit guides would wake him up and start teaching him new methods of healing that no one had ever seen before. Or, they might give him advice on how to treat a particular patient.  He would then write down exactly what the spirits told him.  Over the years, he wrote over 5,000 pages of this spirit dictation.  It was like a correspondence school on how to be a psychic healer from another dimension.  The spirits often spied on me when I was doing bad things and would tell my father during these dictation sessions.  I discovered some of those when I was working on the book.  I was shocked by what they knew.  By the way, he never charged for any of his healings as he felt that this was a special gift that he needed to share.


So, let me get this straight, your father was talking to invisible spirits and healing people from terminal diseases while you were a kid.  How do you know that he really healed people?

My father usually asked anyone he helped to write a letter describing their condition and what happened after their healing.  When I worked on the book, I went through boxes and boxes of these testimonial letters that are quite impressive.  I’ve posted several on the website so that people can read them for themselves.  Don’t forget, back in the 60s it was before MRIs and CAT-Scans.  So if you went to the doctor and he said you had congestive heart failure or lung cancer, you basically went home to die.  My father helped a lot of these people live much longer lives.  He could accurately diagnose people living in another country in a matter of minutes.


What was it like growing up in a supernatural environment like this?

For me, TV shows like I Dream of Jeannie or Bewitched were like reality shows for me.  I could totally relate to them whereas I had a bit of trouble believing typical family shows like Leave it to Beaver or Father Knows Best, they just didn’t ring true to me.  It was not easy growing up with a father who is psychic.  As a teenager, I did what every teenager is not supposed to do and didn’t want anyone to know.  Yet I would come home and there was my father telling me in detail all the things I had just done.  I ended up being a very honest person.


How did the kids at school react to you have this unusual father?

They never knew.  I couldn’t discuss this with anyone.  As soon as I left the house, I became a different person.  The police and the FDA were always chasing my father because they thought he was “practicing medicine without a license”  even though he never touched anyone or gave them medication.  It was just plain harassment.  As a result, I knew that I could never tell people what happened at home otherwise the police would show up in the middle of the night.

How did your mother react to this?

She was very supportive but after a while it was like living with an emergency room physician with people knocking on the door in the middle of the night with their sick baby or sister.  We never got any sleep.  Eventually, my father moved next door.

How has the book been received?

Aside from the fact that I have not yet been invited to speak at any gay science fiction conventions, I am amazed and actually quite honored by the thousands of emails I have received from people reading the book.  Many people enjoy the book as one of the most bizarre family stories ever told whereas a lot of people find that the book opens up their minds to possibilities that they always suspected were there but needed confirmation.  My father was basically 100 years ahead of his time and his work is now being recognized as being a part of the future of medicine.  A lot of doctors have read the book and their comments are impressive as they rethink how they practice medicine.


Do you do any of your father’s work?

He spent years teaching me much of what he did.  A lot of his ideas seem to show up in my paintings.  I believe that this is how I continue my father’s work.


This sounds like a great movie.

I am delighted that there has been serious interest in the story.  Because it is my father and mother, I want to make sure that their stories are told with care.  They are both one of a kinds.  I’m very lucky to have been born to them.


Please explain what just happened.

I debated between masturbating or filling out this questionnaire.  I won’t tell you which one won.

Impotent Paternal

By Conney

Poem

ebonney doesn’t
want to be my daughter
she has a better offer
divorce and lovers
compress DNA
‘tween daughters and fathers
daughters are orchids
that siphon
additional love
from unsuspecting
fathers
delicate offenders
teasing paternal ego
into submission
her will cast iron
a pair of capri’s
parading obstinate
hazel eyes
roll harder than
’64 Chevy Impala
on Crenshaw
she’s old enough for sex
and doesn’t return calls
she outgrew me
but not her mother
i’m an inconvenient
necessity
the thought after
that thought
lingering in childhood
photographs and artwork
no longer
a required subject
in her family library
she walks past me at church
during prayer time
wish she needed
more of me than currently
currency