I don't know what happened. I could be one of those people who black out, who say things in moments where there's no clarity, no real consciousness, just daydreaming --  starwalking in silent dreams during schoolyard bells.

The bus dropped me off near Geneva Avenue -- that's on the southside of Bakersfield. It was a poor blue collar street with stray dogs, tumbleweeds and the shitty kids I grew up with.

Walking home, I remember a short Asian-Mexican boy with a cleft palate. His face always looked angry, distorted. He had a mouth like a pumpkin scar. He was in the group of kids following me, encouraging the boy at the front of the pack to get me.

There's no pride in fighting when your father claims to be a fighter and he never teaches you how to even slap someone with a glove and say, "Touche!" So I kept walking.

The boy following me was a dirty-faced white kid with dark stringy hair. He thought I said something at school. Something mean. Something that questioned his boyhood maleness. I racked my brain for some sort of explanation since I had no memory.

He turned me around and clocked me on the left side of the temple.

He was taller than me. He looked tougher. But I remember it didn't really hurt. And I didn't fall down. I just stood there. "I don't want to fight," I said.

Eventually he and the others left. They were laughing. I got one final stare from the kid with the cleft palate and permanent angry eyebrows. His curdled milk lips knotted into a gleeful smile, thirsting for blood.

I turned around and walked home. I was looking forward to reading another book in the John Carter of Mars adventure series by Edgar Rice Burroughs. I'm guessing I was about halfway through "The Chessmen of Mars."

TAGS: Bakersfield, bullies, California Writer, Central Valley Writer, creative nonfiction, Geneva Avenue, grade school fight, Leo G. Pauly School, Nick Belardes, Nonfiction, schoolyard bullies, The Irresponsibles, writing groups

NICK BELARDES is the author of Random Obsessions (2009) a book of oddities where you will learn that Mothman might be your big brother, Napoleon had stomach aches, and Thomas Jefferson's grandson was an ax murderer. In 2005 he released the dark novel Lords: Part One a fictional account of the mysterious "Lords of Bakersfield." A writer, poet and author, Belardes turned TV/online journalist overnight after blogging his way to success on Bakersfield issues. His articles and essays have appeared on the homepage of CNN.com and other news sites across America. Lately, he has started to write less journalism in order to focus more on writing books and performing activist poetry that might wake up some of the lethargic brains of California's Great Central Valley. He lives in Bakersfield, which is in the valley's southern end. You can find Nick on Facebook and Twitter.

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This entry was posted on Friday, March 13th, 2009 at 11:43 am and is filed under Memoir. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.