Michael Phelps Swim Cap Stolen? (And Other True Olympic News Oddities)
August 19th, 2008by N.L. Belardes
Maybe Michael Phelps swim cap was stolen. You’ll have to read on to find out in these Olympic comedy re-posts from Twitter.com. Most of them are dumb, but it’s just random fun I send out via my cell phone to the world…
These are all true I swear:
Chinese weightlifter banned after caught rolling in butter and cinnamon and offering self as delicacy to hungry Armenian bicyclist.
Phelp’s swim cap stolen? Phelps last seen wearing swim cap to bed. Beijing Police: “Luckily we invested $8 million in cap-sniffing dogs.”
Paris Hilton to join U.S. Olympic bad acting bimbo team. First event includes driving through simulated Hollywood with Shia Labeouf.
Michael Phelps swim cap seen on George Bush during recent speech on how his VP’s oil profits contribute to the common good of the people.
And where’s the U.S. Olympic champion table tennis team?? What the hell have church youth groups across America been doing?? My kids lie.
The U.S. Olympic gang-tagging team out of L.A. is in the semi-finals against the Palestinians.
The referee is a NYPD cop who starts shooting at them with a Taser before they can spell the word, “Fuck”
New gymnastics scoring system to include Indiana Jones theoretical calculations for swinging from whip during avalanche of pygmy spears.
News Flash: Phelps reported to have defected and joined the Special Ops Russion Water Ballet Team, which is currently touring Georgia.
Women’s V-Ball team finally awake against Italy. “We stayed up late last night watching the Hanna Montana Marathon,” said one U.S. player.
Russia pauses war with Georgia to enter soldiers in Beijing skeet shooting competition. Disqualified for use of nerve gas. Skeets dead.
Chewbacca caught moonlighting on Croatian women’s weightlifting team.
American fails to qualify for scorpion-eating finals after found with all of China’s missing sea-algae in stomach.
Report: China prez Hu Jintao seen splashing in Yellow River with Phelp’s swim cap and angel wings. Concubines seen in star-studded floaties.
Texas calf ropers declare war on Olympic Rodeo Committee. “We’ll fill London with Betsy biscuits in 2012 if they don’t see this through.”
Chinese Olympic gymnast revealed as 7-year-old ex-wife of Woody Allen.
Olympic tragedy: First Greek Phelpsian statue crashes. Officials say: “LEGO design had too much weight around the neck.”
About Twitter.com:
Have you been on the social networking site, Twitter? It’s a micro-blogging site where you can send out 140 characters or less at a time. I’ve written news stories based on twitter accounts sent via cell phones during shootings. I’m possibly the only person in North America using twitter to write a novel (www.twitter.com/smallplaces).
But here you can get a taste of my Olympic comedy twitters I’ve been posting today at www.twitter.com/nlbelardes. The beauty? People can get these one-liners fed right into their cell phones. That means I am disrupting business meetings all across America! Post your own Olympic one-liner in the comments.
Keep checking back. I’ll keep adding more… or write your own in the comments!
Tags: 2012 Olympics, athletes, Beijing, comedy, facebook, gold medal sports, Humor, London, medal count, medal tracker, Michael Phelps, Olympic, Olympic jokes, Redeem team, swimmers, tweet, twitter.com, U.S. gymnasts facebook, wacky Olympic news, weightlifters
oh, that woody allen thing is gross.
Come on Lenore, laugh a little! or not… heh.
i’m just jealous i didn’t think of it. sore loser.
I still don’t see you laughing. Try staring at my bug gravatar for 60 seconds. Then say, “Buggywuggy Wuggybuggy Buggywuggy Wubsy Woo!” Do that over and over until you either laugh or slip into a coma.
The world just needs more bug gravatar love!
that’s totally true.
i’m kind of digging this private party we have going on here.
It’s Ok. I just wanted to break up the TNB tension with a worthless comedy post that I keep adding to. I think I added three more.
Did you want to borrow my party hat?
Did you laugh yet?
Hey, this is great! I didn’t know we could write this kind of stuff.
I’m going to have Phelps’s swim-cap tattooed on my shorn head. That way, nobody will doubt my nautical prowess and Phelps will always know where to find it.
Actually, come to think of it, I think I broke some TNB rules. Can I just lie and say all that Olympic stuff is real? Crud. My intent really is to show people that twitter.com is a useful tool. I’ve been at hockey games and twittered the game to ABC sports fans. You can be all kinds of “real” places and twitter “real” things. And that’s useful because let’s say someone is at the Democratic National Convention and they twitter every so often. I can get those on my cell phone. It’s a great tool.
And yeah, dude, the cap tat is a great idea!
these were great! helped me make it through my workday…
btw, i stole Phelps swimcap and i’m not giving it back… he’s gotta find me and take it back himself! *evil laugh*
ooh, and i thought i saw chewy yesterday as i strolled through my office talking about the Olympics. ewwww…
“And where’s the U.S. Olympic champion table tennis team?? What the hell have church youth groups across America been doing?? My kids lie.”
Yes. Yes, they do indeed. (hehehehe)
I was recently introduced to Twitter. Love it in all of its extraneous insanity.
You are a warped person, NL. (Which must be why I like you.)
You should know your book excerpt was the inspiration for that one! I wrote that after reading your schtuff today. Hey, what’s your twitter so I can follow you? That way I can pimp you out too.
Oh and yeah. I’m warped. What writer on here isn’t? Sorry if I just offended like 80 people… doh.
I own my own warping.
I don’t have a twitter address - I’ve only watched it second hand.
Feel completely humbled that I inspired a line of prose yesterday. That is worth everything. ( :
Looking forward to more posts from you! (If you’re not too busy selling poetry on the street corner with Tyler, that is.)
Unfortunately, Tyler and I both have to wait for his girlie to become a rich doctor before we can afford plane tickets to meet in one location and jointly take over a town. I can imagine with you involved that the three of us could cause quite the stir. Having been in the media for some time, I have some serious tricks up my sleeve…
Let’s steal an ice cream truck!
I’m so on board with your proposal for the new gymnastics scoring system. Can Short Round be a judge?
Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones!
Heck yeah!
I can see him yelling at contestants and waving his finger in their face.
Okay, I’m just wondering here, are you a cricket with attitude? I think so, but I’m just making sure.