1. Yes, you can randomly drive in from Houston at 1am and stay with us.

2. If we rocked your world you don’t need to resist the temptation to psycho call us - just go with it.

3. Asking us if we’re wet in the proper tone and volume is the “question that answers itself” (A.L. Kennedy)

4. Since breastfeeding is our job, you’re mowing the lawn for life.

5. We can love your balls but only the unwrinkled, symmetrical, sweet smelling ones. OK, neutral smelling. According to informal research, approximately 12% of you have been blessed with gorgeous nuts. The sight of these balls cause us to drop to our knees for oral worship. If you don’t have a nice sack, the least you can do is keep the area well landscaped.

6. White socks on you are like beige bras on us. Lacy = argyle

7. Repairing a relationship after you’ve cheated is a bit like trying to rebuild Iraq. It’s hard to know whether to pull out or stay the course. Either way, proceed with conviction.

8. Careerist men should marry pretty women mainly interested in shopping and fashion. The old beauty-for-money exchange still functions quite well in modern times.

9. While cunnilingus does take more skill than fellatio, it is nonetheless expected in (near) equal ratio. This will never be be brought up only noticed and resented silently if it doesn’t happen.

10. Women are highly contradictory. Get the fuck over it. Please.

TAGS: 10 things you don't know about women, esquire column homages

MEGAN POWER was born and raised in Atlantic Canada. Her first love is nonfiction, but a complicated affair with poetry began back when Mrs. Banfield drilled “Farewell to Nova Scotia”, a traditional folk song, into the first graders' heads with a passion bordering on sadism: Farewell to Nova Scotia, your sea-bound coast / Let your mountains dark and dreary be / For when I am far away on the briny ocean tossed / Will you ever heave a sigh or a wish for me? She has lived in Japan, Mexico, the U.S. and the U.K. Her work has appeared in print in America West, Razor, San Antonio Express-News, Women's Health and Fitness, NSIDE and on various websites. She has taught adult education for more than ten years. Fireworks, gas station wine, trashtastic pop, Thursdays, smoked salmon and intertextuality bring her an effervescent kind of happiness. One of the original contributors at TNB (she wrote the inaugural post!), Megan is currently a Master's in Creative Writing student at Trinity University in Wales, where she spends unromantic amounts of time at a gray study carrel working on a collection of thematically linked short stories called Modern Monogamy. Hit her up at meganlpower@gmail.com or stop by her photo blog: http://meganpower.blogspot.com She thanks you very much for reading and commenting.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 4th, 2007 at 12:29 pm and is filed under Nonfiction, Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.