BROOKVILLE, OH

Summer ‘08

“Sleep yourself tight.” –Alice Tobin

“Hey Jim, this headstone says W. A. Goner. That’s funny.” –AT, to Jim Tobin while walking through a cemetery. The headstone actually read “WAGONER”.

“I deserve a paper plate that’s as strong as I am.” Paper plate commercial

“I’m a connoisseur of my own taste”.— AT

“Next thing we’re gonna get is a miniature one of these that has the attitude of a rabid lion.” –Overweight, overly-friendly 50-year-old man talking to a young woman in reference to the chihuahua she’s petting on her lap, which was clearly already pretty miniature, at O’Hare airport, Terminal G, gateG1A. The woman smiled flatly in response, and then, after a second the man added, “Ah-heh-heh”, somewhat nervously.

“Hey, this shirt looks like you - it’s ugly.”–AT
“Huh?”–Kip Tobin
“It looks like your style, you know, off the wall.”–AT
“I look off the wall? What does that like look like?”–KT
“You know, the funky stuff you like to wear.”–AT
“So off the wall the wall and funky are synonyms for ugly?”–KT
“You know what I mean.”–AT

“I have five vowels and two continents”–AT, playing scrabble.

“Would you like a piece of chewable gum?” –AT

“If you’re in an accident and you are wrongly hurt, you need a tiger on your side. Call on your tiger at Jones, Steinberg and Ashley.” TV Commercial, Law firm company with one of those three surname titles like “Jones, Steinberg and Ashley” (names falsified in order to protect the true identities of the tigers).

“Might as well jump from the fireplace into the fire.” –AT

Christmas ‘08

“When America coughs, America reaches for Delsym.” –Delsym commercial

“You said you’re not hungry…you want some dinner?” –AT

“He was like the Tasmanian devil on…something.” Jim Tobin (the expression here refers to using some kind of drug, such as “on drugs” or “on coke”).

“My family has a personality for every kind of greeting card. My mom for example likes those funny cards. [forced laughter] My daughter, she likes the sweet ones. My son, he likes the technical ones. And my husband, well, he likes the simple ones. [more forced laughter]” –Greeting card commercial heard over the radio while at the gym. My question: What are technical greeting cards?

“This weather’s horrible; I can feel it in my knees.” –AT
“Really, even after they replaced them? What are they made of?” –KT
“Plutonium.” –AT
“What? That’s impossible.” –KT
“I mean…, what’s the name of that stuff?” –AT
“Titanium?” –KT.
“Yeah, titanium.” –AT.
“Phew, I was going to say.” –KT

“Mmmm. Fresh, tasty food served up with a great big side of nice. That’s what it means to Get Culverized.” –Pamphlet cover for Culver’s To-Go Menu.

Summer ‘09

“Whatever floats your booty… Is that how they say that?” –AT

“Oh, this is one of those brain tweezers.” –AT, referring to a question in a board game we were playing.

“How much is that in English?” –AT, after I told her something costs 250 euros.

“We are corroding these kids.” –AT, referring to how often her and Jim Tobin play poker with their grandchildren.

“Do you know where that little silver get up thing is?” –AT to JT, referring to a travel alarm clock.

“My chicken scratches.” –AT’s name for crow’s feet (wrinkles formed around one’s eyes).

“This makes the T-class submarine a T-Rex with jaws that would rip apart her enemy’s fire power.” –Military channel “Top 10 submarines of all time.”

“He talks kind of slutty for being such a well-educated man.” –AT in reference to a long-time family friend.

“That’s the horse calling the kettle black.” –AT, making yet another expression her own.

“Kraft has more cheese than the other guys. I guess that’s why they call the Kraft’s macaroni and cheese the cheesiest.” –Cheesy Kraft cheese commercial.

“I’ve never denied having a big mouth. I don’t, but I’ve never denied it.” –AT, confounding meaning.

“Smelly good stuff.” –AT’s name for deodorant.

“Probably definitely.” –AT’s reply to the question, “Do you think we’ll go out to eat after the movie?”

“I came out to say goodnight to you but I couldn’t find you and figured you were still yick-yacking.” –AT, while opening and closing her left hand which made it look kind of like a puppet or a duck with a mouth that keeps opening and closing automatically.

“Yick-yacking” –AT’s word for “talking”.

“Life is filled with different passions. Now there’s a phone that lets you flow among them. Check out the new Palm PreLaunch Flow, and follow your passion.” –Advert on Facebook

“Do they have Euros on Mexico?” –AT

“We’ll clutch out at 9:30 am from F&S.” –jargon used at the Dayton Ohio HOG (Harley Owner’s Group) meeting to mean “start” or “leave”.

“I washed him down and put him the driveway to dry.”–AT in answer to the question: “Did you put away the indian?”

“If I had a heart attack and died, all of my worries would be solved”. –AT

“It’s not that I don’t like sushi, it’s just that it doesn’t appeal to me…ever.” –AT

“Why don’t you guys call it ‘Waiting for Tom Waits’?” –AT in reference to a script Ryan Day and I wrote called ‘Waiting for Tom” that is inspired by Tom Waits.

“Didya know that North Carolina has more Spaniards per capital than most other states?” –Cleaning lady at my parents’ house.

“My muscles ached all over. I felt this deep lingering pain that was a complete mystery to me. My doctor diagnosed it as fibromyalgia muscle pain. And then he recommended Lyrica. Fibromyalgia is thought to be the result of overactive nerves that cause chronic widespread pain. Lyrica is FDA approved to help relieve the unique pain of fibromyalgia. And with less pain, I can do more during my day. How sweet is that? [a softer in volume but firmer in tone voice over begins] Lyrica is not for everyone. Talk to your doctor about any serious allergic reaction that causes swelling or affects breathing or skin, or changes in eye site including blurry vision or muscle pain with fever or tired feeling. Lyrica may cause suicidal thoughts or actions…” –Pfizer commercial for their new drug called Lyrica.

“She really was nice and all, but she just didn’t do a perfunctionary job.” –AT talking about the girl behind the counter at the Dreamy Weenie, a new local hot dog restaurant who seemed really put out that nine of us walked in one Sunday afternoon.

“Watch my purse Jim.” –AT to JT while getting up to excuse herself to go to the bathroom. This wouldn’t seem odd save for the fact that they were both playing cards at Kent and Jane’s house, a couple they’ve known for over 40 years.

“Why don’t you put that in your book and smoke it.” –AT, right before I wrote what she said down in my book.

TAGS: Alice Tobin, idiomatic expressions, Jim Tobin, Kip Tobin

KIP TOBIN's real name is Stephen Christopher Tobin, but no one really calls him that, not even his mom. His favorite letter is i, which is also one his least favorite words. His favorite words tend to include euphonious consonants like Ls and Rs and Ss, such as surly luscious allure. He no longer lives in Spain but in middle America, where he's sort of wondering whether the ship is indeed sinking or not. He writes fiction and nonfiction, but he will not tweet. If asked, he will tell you that S. Gautauma pretty much summed 'er all up when he said, "All things are transient. Work out your own salvation." He's constantly in that latter process, all the while trying to roll the perfect Spanish R. You can email Kip directly at dasein47@yahoo.com. For personal reasons stemming from excessive usage, he no longer is a part of the social networking revolution. The revolution, he thinks, will not be televised but rather streamed, and he hopes he's not watching it. He wishes everyone good luck whenever he can. Good luck.

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This entry was posted on Monday, October 12th, 2009 at 11:34 pm and is filed under Appreciations, Nonfiction. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.