Comments on: How to Disappear Completely

By: The Nervous Breakdown

The Nervous Breakdown — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 06:22:46 +0000

[...] glowing screen? Justin Benton wrote something about this sort of thing recently, an essay called “How to Disappear Completely.” Imagine living next to a pond with a pile of books. It might be really lonely and boring. [...]

By: Marni Grossman

Marni Grossman — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 19:38:46 +0000

Love this line:

“Some days I feel like an ice cube; other days I feel like an iceberg.”

By: Rebecca Adler

Rebecca Adler — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 16:06:49 +0000

You inspired me to finally delete my myspace account. Still have facebook for the time being, but I’m so happy to have one less username and password to keep track of.

By: Erika Rae

Erika Rae — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 04:56:11 +0000

Ah Justin – I have this weird guilty feeling reading this. I know I shouldn’t bow to Facebook because it’s bad for me, but I can’t seem to get out of it. It’s kind of like how I know I shouldn’t eat bacon or bratwurst, but can’t seem to help myself. I have much respect for you to deactivate.

By: JB

JB — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 02:31:25 +0000

I feel like Jim Jones.

By: Victoria Patterson

Victoria Patterson — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:01:36 +0000

Done. That felt good. Let’s see how long it lasts…

By: Victoria Patterson

Victoria Patterson — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 23:54:25 +0000

I’ve decided to deactivate. I don’t like the short attention span that I seem to have cultivated via FB and Internet. I appreciate the benefits to FB but I could be reading books and/or writing rather than messing around on FB. And really, writing requires large doses of concentration. I do feel like FB leads me away from writing–a distraction.

By: Rebecca Adler

Rebecca Adler — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:32:06 +0000

Yes, logging in to find that your friends have tagged photos of you making a fool of yourself is definitely one of the downsides to FB. I have to limit who can see my tagged photos so if I miss one my boss/family/boyfriend (if I had one) doesn’t end up seeing something I’d rather them not see.

Nice piece Justin. I really liked the disappearing picture that went with it. I’ve been trying to deactivate my myspace for while now, but haven’t done it because I’m way too lazy about moving my blog over to my wordpress account. Anyway, I can’t wait to read part 2.

By: Darian Arky

Darian Arky — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 18:52:50 +0000

This feels like a meeting of MySpace Anonymous. Okay, yeah: I used to be on MySpace. Hell, that’s an understatement. I was a MySpace whore. Johnny Drama. And there was a time when I spent a lot of time thinking — and writing — about “What’s-it-all-about-on-social-networking?” I left all that behind me when I moved to FB. Sure, I post pictures, update my status, and leave comments on my friends’ pages. But it’s like toilet paper. It’s a utility. It’s for wiping my ass, not for thinking about. FB and MySpace don’t control us — unless we start swallowing our own shit.

By: Matt

Matt — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:26:14 +0000

Last week I found myself thinking about my actions in terms of hashtags. I may be twittering too much.

By: Ronlyn Domingue

Ronlyn Domingue — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:43:18 +0000

Thought-provoking post. Thanks.

I’ve been tempted to disconnect from the social networking sites—which I joined out of covert pressure to be “out there” as a writer. One has to wade one’s way through the changing modes of book publicity and marketing. Finding a balance is possible. In the end, it really does make it easy to share news with readers.

And FB did provide a way for old friends to find me and vice versa. I rather appreciate that.

By: Greg Olear

Greg Olear — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 13:05:31 +0000

In other words, you want to hit the “LIKE” button on my comment…

By: Greg Olear

Greg Olear — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 13:04:46 +0000

Thanks, man. You rock.

[Trying to formulate joke about privacy settings...coffee hasn't kicked in yet...]

By: Jim Simpson

Jim Simpson — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 06:04:29 +0000

I just emailed you.

By: tip robin

tip robin — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 04:15:09 +0000

Bravo JB. Excellent post. Insightful, informative and very current.

Have you seen this site virtual suicide site? http://www.seppukoo.com
Check out how as of today: “Les Liens Invisibles wants to inform everyone that on Dec. 16th, Facebook inc., after it has blocked any attempt of seppukoo from this website and has blocked/deleted all seppukoo.com information into the whole facebook network, has now threatened legal action against us in order to stop the suicide pandemic. ”

As I read this, I remembered when I had this idea not too long ago and thought that I would do it and then document my experience of deactivation here on TNB. You beat me to the punch, and I am right behind you

Also, I love the Radiohead song title as the subject. Fitting.

By: Kimberly M. Wetherell

Kimberly M. Wetherell — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 03:31:00 +0000

Oh JB – this was delicious!!

While I’m merely a Quitterer, you’ve gone for full-fledged FaceBroke.

Bravo!

By: Ducky

Ducky — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 03:12:40 +0000

loved this.

By: David S. Wills

David S. Wills — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 03:00:19 +0000

Man, I always thought Twitter looked stupid, but I actually love it now. I think, though, that it’s costing me the ability to form sentences more than 140 characters long…

By: David S. Wills

David S. Wills — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 02:58:38 +0000

Brilliant essay. That’s one of the best things I’ve read in a long time.

By: Justin Benton

Justin Benton — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 01:46:38 +0000

I had no idea a place called Beaver Island existed. Now, it will be the title of my forthcoming novel.

By: Gina Frangello

Gina Frangello — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 01:40:47 +0000

I have these major fantasies of just unplugging completely and moving somewhere weird like Beaver Island, Michigan, where the only place on the island you can get reliable internet connection is at the library, and in the mornings you see a bunch of desperate urbanites on “vacation” sitting out in the parking lot of the not-yet-opened library trying to get onto their email. I feel like I have email disease. I spend about 5 hours a day on email, I think. Seriously. I do almost all of my business over it. Yet my understanding is that email itself is passe and I only continue to rely on it because I’m 41. I’m on FB and Twitter and LinkedIn, but I have to say, I have never figured out how to make as much of them as out of good “old fashioned” email. But that said, it’s like an albatross. You get to a point where it’s like you’d have to fake your own death just to get offline. Good for you, Justin! I’m impressed!

By: Will Entrekin

Will Entrekin — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:56:16 +0000

If I could kudo Greg’s priorities, I totally would. This seriously made me laugh aloud.

By: JB

JB — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:41:04 +0000

Word is bond, Greg: In the Facebook of my heart I will always be a fan of Totally Killer.

By: Greg Olear

Greg Olear — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 22:47:10 +0000

This means that I have one fewer friend, but, more importantly, TOTALLY KILLER BY GREG OLEAR has one fewer fan. Damn it all!

I like Facebook in the same way I like football season: even if I don’t actually use it/watch it, it’s comforting to know it’s there. I have to have it for book reasons — and I’ve updated my status less since my book came out, and also since the “improvements” of several months ago — but bottom line, it’s a great way to show off how cute my kids are.

Also: Matt’s right. MySpace is MyAss. Their server is powered by a hamster spinning a wheel. So. Fucking. Slow.

By: Mark Lee

Mark Lee — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 22:25:53 +0000

It’s a good thing the virtual world believes in resurrection, because I’ve offed myself plenty of times. I was on the verge of doing so on MySpace in early 2006 when I made this little video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=853HuiAchjE

Happily, I didn’t. “Happily” because a month or so later I started a correspondance with a woman who has now been my partner for two and half years. We jumped off the MySpace cliff together later on after an uncomfortable experience with some other folks I’d rather not get into. Now, it’s Facebook and Twitter. In five years? Who knows.

By: Simon Smithson

Simon Smithson — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 21:34:42 +0000

Whew. Thank God Benton’s gone. I was feeling so cramped – and yes, I’m talking about my style.

Aw, shoot, JB. Simon will miss you too. But be strong! I’ve often wondered what it would be like to deFacebook myself.

I, too, got into MySpace first. At the urgings of a friend, who, as it turned out, only used it himself as a glorified email. And I got sick of it after a while. There was no specific turning point, I just thought ‘You know, I don’t really care about this thing.’ But during my brief tenure, I got to meet people who I’m still friends with today (I first crossed paths with a certain Mr. Will Entrekin on MySpace in a writing and editing group there), so it wasn’t a bust in any way, shape, or form.

By: Will Entrekin

Will Entrekin — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 21:27:14 +0000

Nice post. I deactivated once. I was used to MySpace and couldn’t figure out who Facebook “worked,” so to speak; it was very different, and had a very different dynamic. Now I’m with Brad; I use it mainly to share links, to my own blog and to various Nervous Breakdown essays (like this one, in a hot minute).

But can I just say, re: Ms. Painter’s experience, any relationship whose troubles seemed to stem from Facebook arguably went a lot deeper. I wonder if her deactivation resolved them, or if there are others now that may be superficially different but have similar root causes.

And nice link to the Fitzgerald article. Thanks for that!

By: JB

JB — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:58:05 +0000

A social networking Jesus! He has risen!

See, it’s just a lot easier not to have friends, or “friends”. It’s solved a lot of my problems…

I think you need Skype.

By: Victoria Patterson

Victoria Patterson — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:40:28 +0000

Thanks, Justin. I have such mixed feelings about FB, joined because I was told to by publicity for my book. And I’ve deactivated three times, only to join again. A mixed bag and definitely an addictive voyueristic time-sucker. I do enjoy being updated on people’s lives–and it has helped me network. And how cool is it to be able to “friend” writers that I admire, such as Antonya Nelson, find out what she’s reading, etc.

I’m looking forward to Part II.

By: James D. Irwin

James D. Irwin — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:30:35 +0000

I’ve deactivated my account in the past.

But I came back a few days later, like a social networking Jesus…

I hate that I love Facebook.

I do though. I keep in touch with folk from TNB and most of my social life is arranged via my wall. a couple of my friends live out of town, and its often like a cheap three-way phone call…

By: Justin Benton

Justin Benton — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:28:09 +0000

I promise I won’t haunt your profile, Zara.

By: JB

JB — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:24:33 +0000

Physical time as in…sexy time? Yeah, in that case it’s better just to separate and stay at a distance until the next physical-sexy time.

In all seriousness, I think your Facebook philosophy is perfectly sensible. And I am very glad to hear your friends and coworkers are okay.

By: Matt

Matt — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 18:31:36 +0000

I loathed Myspace. Hated it, hated it, hated it, and the only reason I kept it up an running was to read a couple of blogs I liked, including Brad’s. Once they went to different domains, I deactivated that account…though like any good zombie, it occasionally rises from the grave without my knowing.

Facebook, on the other hand, I enjoy a great deal, mostly because it’s proven to be a convenient way to establish ties with people in far away places; about 90% of my contacts are people I’ve never met in person, and only a small handful of the remaining 10% actually live here in the same city. It’s convenient resource for keeping in touch with a bunch of disparate people, but I don’t “friend” people I usually spend a lot of physical time with; once we seperate and return to our respective homes, I don’t need to see them lurking around online right afterwards.

It has, however, had one huge benefit I’m grateful for: I’ve found out that friends and coworkers I’d feared didn’t survive Hurricane Katrina are actually alive and well, as Facebook has reconnected us though the profiles of our mutual acquaintences.

I am also enjoying Twitter way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy too much at the moment.

By: Zara Potts

Zara Potts — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 18:19:34 +0000

Zara will miss you.
But this was a thought provoking and interesting piece, Justin. I’m afraid I’m hooked into the Facebook phenomenon but it’s funny because of lot of my really good friends aren’t – and I sometimes get mad with them for not being online and making me have to interact with them in the normal face-to-face way! Facebook definitely makes your friendships lazy.
But FB has also reignited old friendships and I’m very grateful for that. The other thing that I was just thinking about this morning actually, is that it also allows me to interact with people that I perhaps wouldn’t call up on the phone, but yet I can still keep in contact with. It’s a strange thing, really, but I like it.
I loved your disappearing FB photo by the way. The pathos!!!

By: D.R. Haney

D.R. Haney — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:18:46 +0000

Um, you don’t need to upload photos, since your friends will kindly do that for you. I’ve had to de-tag upteen wretched shots of myself. We all live now in a world of paparazzi — fifteen minutes, etc.

I do, on very rare occasion, post notes and status updates, but I never got into Facebook. It seemed to me the Disneyfied version of MySpace, which seemed to me the stoopid version of Friendster. There was genuine wit to be found in the testimonials of Friendster, stoopid (and dated) as that no doubt sounds.

RIP, JB.

By: JB

JB — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:10:14 +0000

I will miss the PR…

By: Anon

Anon — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:09:35 +0000

Hm. So, perhaps one should develop “eCobain.com: A Load of Virtual Buckshot For When Sepukoo.com Isn’t Enough”….

By: Brad Listi

Brad Listi — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:05:28 +0000

I deactivated a while back, but when I did, the TNB Facebook page went with me. So I’m sort of tethered to Facebook for that reason. It’s hugely useful in getting the word out to readers, etc. I think it works perfectly in that regard. But the truth is that I do very little personal interaction on Facebook. I almost never upload photos. I never post notes. I keep my personal info to a minimum. Etc.

By: JB

JB — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:01:51 +0000

Well, unfortunately, it doesn’t work. It’s like stabbing yourself in the stomach and realizing it’s a trick dagger.

By: D.R. Haney

D.R. Haney — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:00:44 +0000

A-ha! So THAT’s why my friend count went down by one! And you’d only just said you’d liked one of my status updates! Where were the signs?! You seemed so happy, and then…and then…

It’s going to take a long time for me to sort through my feelings.

By: Anon

Anon — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 16:58:11 +0000

You are far from alone, my friend – http://www.seppukoo.com.