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First things first, is this an intentional look you are going for here?

What?

Your jacket.

What about it?

You look like a lieutenant in whatever army Coldplay started.

Alright, alright. If it bugs you that much, I will take it off. There. That better?

A bit. But just so you know, wearing blue and white striped shirts makes you look like some kid of nautical bumblebee.

I think I was a pirate in a previous life. So are we seriously just going to talk about my clothes?

No, let’s talk about something else. What are your interests?

Ham.

Fascinating. Why people find you interesting is beyond me.

In a world where carpenters get resurrected, anything is possible.

Do you always quote Katharine Hepburn lines when you can’t think of anything witty to say?

Can I have some wine?

No. Now what, in your opinion, is the best compliment you ever received?

An old man with a shrimp tail stuck in his beard called me a fire hazard.

What a fascinating story. You should write that down and tell it at parties.

I can talk about my dog. I am really good at talking about my dog.

What is his name?

Zissou.

Zeezu?

No, Zissou. Like Captain Zissou from The Life Aquatic.

I see. Is your dog also an alcoholic submarine captain?

Only during the summer.

Anything else you like talking about?

Socks.

What a riveting topic. What is your opinion of socks?

You should be totally unaware of my socks. That is, like, my philosophy on socks.

You are a total waste of my time.

Can I have some wine now?




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Hannah Wehr For 46 years HANNAH WEHR was a teenage runaway. In that time she did things she wouldn't force on a donkey and that includes things she forced on a donkey. Hannah is German slang for "I Don't Know." That about sums her up. Hannah is an unwitting connoisseur of French cigarettes and filthy men. In Bolivia there is a saying about her, and it goes: "Girl with monocle has nothing. Cover her in shaving cream. Calling all cars.” It translates weird. Hannah spends her free time eating other people’s food, thinking about Abraham Lincoln’s hat, attacking strangers' calves, making Thanksgiving dioramas, and boondoggling.

What the critics are saying:

Hannah has a great personality---just not for a human being.” –Jasper Tin Pan Lintstockings

She is a fire hazard.” –Old man with shrimp tail stuck in beard

I think she just spilled her wine on my kid's head.” –Lady who will probably never ask her to babysit again

2 Responses to “Hannah Wehr: The TNB Self-Interview”

  1. Simon Smithson says:

    “You look like a lieutenant in whatever army Coldplay started.”

    Best interviewer ever.

  2. milo martin says:

    Hannah Wehr, you’re such a Little Miss Smartypants…

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