Hello, friends.

As the Editor of the Nervous Breakdown's Nonfiction section—which, if you must know, is a non-paying position, so don't start bitching if it's riddled with spelling errors—I suppose it wouldn't be a terrible idea to officially welcome our readers, new and old alike. What can you expect from the Nonfiction section? Well, for one thing, our stories are entirely true. In some cases, our stories will be maybe 98% true, but that seems true enough for us. What happens if we encounter a story that's only 57% true? We'll send them over to the Fiction section, where they're more permissive about that sort of thing.

Why are we the first section you should read when you visit the Nervous Breakdown every morning (which of course you will, because TNB is the website of record)? Unlike the Fiction section, we won't lie to you. Everything you'll read at Nonfiction is true, or at least true enough that even Oprah wouldn't make a big deal about it. Over at the Poetry section, they're all like "Dude, we only write in iambic pentameter and that makes us special." Who needs the attitude, am I right? And at Arts & Culture, well, we happen to think that the world (and particularly the Interwebs) already has enough impassioned essays about Robert Pattinson's dreamy smirk, but maybe that's just us.

Meanwhile, over at Nonfiction, you can read the best in creative nonfiction, written by some of the most talented and attractive writers working today. (Yes, believe it or not, an author's physical appearance really does matter. Ugly authors publish ugly, ugly books.) We'll cover everything from humorous memoir to heartbreaking confession, misadventures in self-discovery to curious tales of intrigue. If it makes us laugh or makes us cry or makes the vein on our forehead throb with any combination of dread/ anticipation/ existential epiphany, and it's at least 98% true, we'll probably want to feature it.

You're probably wondering, "What does he mean by 'we'? Is he one of those pretentious assholes who speaks of himself in the plural person?" Yes I am. But also, as much as I'd like to claim that I'm solely responsible for all the wonderful nonfiction you'll find at TNB, I actually have a tireless staff of editorial professionals. Please give a warm welcome to the Associate Nonfiction Editors: Erika Rae, Greg Boose and Litsa Dremousis. Like all great editorial teams, they do most if not all of the heavy lifting, and I take the lion's share of the credit. In many ways, they're like the Joan Holloway to my Roger Sterling, but with much, much bigger racks. I would trust these people with my life. Actually, no, that's not in any way true. I would trust them with my nonfiction. But if the bullets start flying, I don't expect any of them to throw their bodies in front of me. Unless we start giving them all salaries, in which case they should serve as my human shield.

I suppose that's all. Happy reading! And remember our motto over here at the Nonfiction section: If it's not true, then it's probably the devil's work.

Eric Spitznagel, Editor and Big Daddy, The Nervous Breakdown Nonfiction

ERIC SPITZNAGEL has written for dozens of magazines, most of them glossy and filled with pictures of celebrities with white teeth and flawless skin. His words have appeared in Playboy, Esquire, Details, Rolling Stone, Harper’s, Spy, and others too numerous to mention. He has a weekly Q&A column for VanityFair.com, where he asks really inappropriate questions to everyone from Willie Nelson and Danny Devito to Warren G and Emmy Rossum. He's a contributing editor for The Believer, where he co-created the popular Sedaratives column. He's the author of six books, including one that was translated into German and features a cat on the cover for no apparent reason. His latest book is called Fast Forward, a memoir of his (thankfully) brief career as a screenwriter for adult movies. He’s also the editor of the upcoming book You’re a Horrible Person, But I Like You: The Believer Book of Advice, which features terrible life lessons from the likes of Sarah Silverman, Judd Apatow, and Zach Galifianakis. He has one more testicle than Hitler, which he considers a moral victory.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, November 15th, 2009 at 4:31 pm and is filed under Letters, Nonfiction. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.