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The 2012 Cannes Film Festival kicks off May 16, and if you aren’t sinking your soles in the pebbled beaches of the Côte d’Azur with roughly $3000 tucked in your pocket right about now, well, then, you aren’t talking to Brad Pitt. That’s the going rate for a Pitt interview, anyway, as The Globe and Mail reports. Sad? Don’t be. You’ve just saved yourself roughly $3000 worth of awkward silences and habitual lip licking. What you can do (or Cannes do, heh) is watch the trailers for the films in competition this year including David Cronenberg’s adaptation of Don DeLilo’s Cosmopolis starring Robert Pattinson:

You can also read The Hollywood Reporter’s interview with Roger Ebert on “Cannes’ Wild Past” in which Ebert dishes about brunches with legendary B-movie producer Samuel Arkoff:

Sam [Arkoff] would throw a brunch at Hotel du Cap for the English-language press. He always gave the same speech: “You all think my films are shit, so let’s forget business and have a good time.” Once, Rex Reed said of Q, his flying dragon movie: “Sam, what a surprise! A marvelous method performance by Michael Moriarty, right in the middle of all that dreck!” Sam replied, “The dreck was my idea.”

Or catch Stylist Magazine’s live-streamed shows featuring interviews with Brad Pitt (cha-ching!) and the like at Cannes by The Guardian’s Jason Solomons.

Total Film has compiled 50 Greatest Cannes Moments including that time Dennis Hopper, Peter Fonda, and Jack Nicholson showed up for Easy Rider “acting like goddamned hippies.”

Digital Spy has likewise put together 65 Iconic Pictures from Cannes festivals past, which of course includes Brigitte Bardot in a bathing suit.

 

 

And there’s more of Brigitte Bardot in a bathing suit at Cannes from the LIFE archives at The Retronaut.

Get yourself a Cannes Film Festival-inspired limited edition bottle of S. Pellegrino.

And, finally, in honor of the recently appointed President of Un Certain Regard Jury Tim Roth, enjoy a Roth marathon. I suggest Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, The Hit, Reservoir Dogs, Little Odessa, Pulp Fiction, The Legend of 1900, and this clip of Roth as bellhop Ted in Four Rooms (note: it costs less to chop off Norman’s little finger than it does to interview Brad Pitt):

 

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Cynthia Hawkins TNB Arts and Culture Editor CYNTHIA HAWKINS teaches creative writing at the University of Texas at San Antonio. Most of what she thinks she knows comes from movies, including how to tango, how to take someone down with a ballpoint pen, how to curse in French, and how to catch a moving train. Her work, on movies and otherwise, has appeared in literary journals and magazines such as ESPN the Magazine, Parent:Wise Magazine, The Good Men Project, New World Writing, Strange Horizons, and numerous alternative weeklies and anthologies. You can find Cynthia on Twitter and at cynthiahawkins.net.

14 Responses to “The Armchair Traveler’s Guide to Cannes Film Festival”

  1. Art Edwards says:

    Bon, bon, bon, Cynthe!

    Funny, but I assumed it would cost a lot more than $3k to interview Brad Pitt. I guess that’s magazine rate, which have no budget. Still, what a weird number. What’s $3k to him? I’d've thought $30k or free.

  2. If nothing else, I’ve remembered that I still need to see Roth and Oldman in Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

    Also, I really want to go to the south of France…

  3. Lizzie says:

    I’m sure Brad Pitt would let you interview him for free. Also, I thought that was you in the bathing suit until I read the article…

  4. Dana says:

    I’m with Lizzie! I thought for sure that was you in the photo. :)

  5. Irene Zion says:

    And I thought the handsome boy in the first trailer was you in drag.

  6. Irene Zion says:

    Do I still win?

  7. After all my time in France, I still hold out hope that I’ll run into Brigitte Bardot somewhere still tossing around that same beach ball. I’m getting close, I can feel it.

    But the Cosmopolis trailer says “Finally the first film about our new millennium”? That’s awfully heady talk. Ever since ExistenZ I’ve had trouble buying into Cronenberg, but this is a DeLillo adaptation so I have to give it the old college try.

    • Looks worth the old college try. I’ve really loved all of his films with Viggo Mortensen, Dangerous Method included, so I’m a little concerned about the lack of Viggo here. I find that most things suffer from a lack of Viggo, though.

      Keep your Bardot hopes alive!

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