The Secret to Thinner Thighs
Binge Drinking in Expensive Yoga Pants Guarantees Weight Loss.

The Pyrex Tolls For Thee
Pyrex-oven-safe cookware has a message, and Quenby Moone is the vehicle for delivery

Diet Coke: The Really Poor Man’s Crack
Is Diet Coke all that it's been cracked up to be?

Spiders Are My Spiritual Advisors
Aaron Dietz describes his very beneficial relationship with spiders.

Thoughts I’ve Had Re: Smoking Cigarettes (2008-Present)

The Fix
Why be a sad little white blob when you could be a happy little pink blob?

The Small Naked Drunk Man in the Bottom of My Drawer
Hammered Roman gods deserve a better fate than living with asexual underthings.

Alcoholism, AA and the Medical Industry: Nationwide Malpractice

Chasing the Sandman: Ambien Zombie at War With Insomnia

The Salt Life

The First Time Before the First Time

Hard to Put a Finger On
Brad Listi tells the strange and ultimately shocking saga of his lower back.

Random Obsessions: An Excerpt
An excerpt from Nick Belardes' Random Obsessions.

Drug Dealer or Prostitute? Who Knows!

Grosserie

I Don’t Wanna Grow Up
Getting older sucks. To fight the effects Slade Ham does something nice for his body and is repaid with a declaration of war.

Who Killed the Rollerblade?

My Siamese Twin
A one-man pharmacy faces down a year of ice.

Disparate Housewives

Blooded

Chicken Wing Floozie
Things don't turn out so great when you drop out of High School to shack up with your floozie girlfriend.

Tarnishment of the Living Apparatus
In which the author prepares to meet his death.

Irresistible
Quirks, compulsions, and what-have-you's: the poignancy of irrational human behavior.

Fowl Freak-Out: A Vegetarian’s Tale
Something formerly furred or feathered for dinner? No thanks, she decided.