THE FEED
Win, Lose, or
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I played competitive soccer as a youth.
I remember hating the idea of a tie.
Even back then.
Playing to a draw.
It pissed me off as a kid, and it pisses me off now, watching the World Cup.
The USA plays England to a draw!
So what?
This bores me.
I think it stinks.
Tying should not be allowed. In any sport. For any reason.
If the score is tied at the end of regulation, play an overtime period.
If you're still tied after that, have a bloody shootout.
And if you're still tied after that, arm the opponents with two-by-fours and polo mallets and have them bludgeon each other until one party is rendered unconscious.
Decide the fucking contest.
This isn't t-ball.
We're not all winners here.
Me?
I'd rather lose than tie.
I'd rather go down in flames and suffer a painful, excruciating defeat than to end on some sort of bland, neutral, ho-hum note.
There's no glory in that.
No blood.
No balls.
Tying is for pussies.
That is all.
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I’ve heard that this need for a winner–of which I am a firm proponent–is very American.
“And if you’re still tied after that, arm the opponents with two-by-fours and polo mallets and have them bludgeon each other until one party is rendered unconscious.”
HA!
But otherwise, I’d have to agree with you.
I’m going to leave the whole “tying should not be allowed” thing alone. I love football (soccer) and I think that the ability to draw (tie) lends so much depth to the games and competitions.
What gets me is the “Great tie against the British” thing.
Newsflash, yanks: You beat England. The rest of Britain hates England. We were - for once - actually cheering on the USA.
I noticed the English (as opposed to UK) flag, David, but I didn’t realize that. I will now remark on it if soc…er, football comes up in conversation, to make it seem like I know what I’m talking about.
That is astonishing ignorance, to be sure. I think we need to sit the Post down for a lesson.
OK chilluns. This is Great Britain. This is the UK. They’re not the same thing, right? OK. And this is Ireland, and this is Northern Ireland, and this is Wales and this is Scotland and this is England. Got it? Class dismissed!
Art, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if that’s true. I was playing a quick game of Scrabble on my iTouch this weekend and when the computer and I both got 263 points I almost threw it across the room. C’mon!! No way!
Closure, man!
Oh, Dana, if only I’d known that you played Scrabble before I decided to execute my Facebook account. We could have been something…
The funniest part about a tie is listening to the supporters try to figure out what it means for their shit-talking agenda.
With a win, all bets are off- there are limitless approaches a fan can take: the classy approach, the sore winner approach, the wild-running-through-the-streets approach, and of course, the venerable, “Grab the hottest chick in the bar and kiss her because your team just won” approach (which can lead to police intervention).
With a loss, it’s the sore loser approach, the violent punch-a-winner approach (the battery distinguishes it from the sore loser approach), the cloyingly optimistic approach (”We’ll get ‘em next time!”), and the quiet, seething rage approach, to name a few.
But with a tie, tying fans have to talk amongst themselves to figure out if it’s good or bad, and how to best position it in subsequent conversations, especially with the team they tied. Lots of questions, and lots of assertions ending in “…right?”
It’s sort of funny.
Funny how our identities are wrapped up in it. It shouldn’t matter, but like everything that shouldn’t matter, does.
According to most of the rules of evolution and human social/tribal interaction that I’m aware of, we should care. We should care a lot.
I mean, you can say, “Well, it’s silly because this isn’t a competition for food or resources or hot babes…”
or is it?
damn, you’re right.
If two men TIE in winning a fertile female, then…
…SHE wins.
Yep- as soon as we tie the old ego to something outside of our control, we will endure extraordinary agony in the hopes that the end result will make us feel better. Sometimes it’s worth it, which I guess is why we all keep doing it.
NHL hockey got wise to this a couple of years ago. There were purists running around, saying it was a strategic boon and all, but the bottom line is, it’s boring. It’s fucking boring. It’s a giant “Meh.” At best it’s the last refuge of mediocre teams. If teams think they get “escape with” a tie, they tend to play that way. When a contest ends in a tie, no one’s happy, no one’s sad, yet everyone leaves at least a little disappointed.
What a shitty outcome for what is alleged to be entertainment.
I loathe a tie.
In one of my pieces I wrote about Julie. Her cousin is on the World Cup team for the U.S. Damn it if his shot didn’t sail wide of the post. It was a flat game and was pretty much only fodder for British tabloids.
That headline is great. I love the NY Post.
Colbert on soccer:
To echo your sentiment, ties indeed suck. I don’t claim to know much about soccer but I know two things after watching some of the World Cup: 1) Ties suck, and 2) If someone was blowing one of those horns in my ear, I would be sitting in a South African jail accused of murder. Jeez Louise, I got a migraine just watching it on television . . . until my wife turned and said to me, “You know, there is a mute button on the remote.” She is a brilliant lady.
we invented the game, so either put up and shut up or don’t play at all!
seriously though. it’s the group stage of the world cup. after the group stage EVERY game ends with a winner. As hard as it might be to grasp, draws actually make the group more exciting. It’s done on points. 3 points for a win, 1 point for a draw. So really the games at the moment are smaller sections of a larger competition.
However, the games so far have all been pretty dull. And those FUCKING horns!
“Tying should not be allowed. In any sport. For any reason.”
Is S&M a sport? Because I think when it comes to S&M, tying should be allowed. Actually, tying is essential. I mean you said it…
“Tying is for pussies.”
Your rage is totally fun. Do you get into hockey games? It’s always good to have blades strapped to your shoes when you go for blood. I’m all for it. Hockey players would never stand for it. They’d brawl. Like men. (Swoon.)
Tying in S&M. Good point.
YES. I completely agree.
Love your rant style, Brad. (:
The World Cup is far and away my favorite sporting event. I’m wearing my Zinedene Zidane fanny pack as I type this. The US team has precious few skills except goaltending. England and the Dutch look sluggish. Germany (sigh) shows great precision, creativity, attack. Klose is a madman. And they have a player whose name translates to “Pig Stabber.” Fairly unbeatable, that.
I’m OK with tie during group play. It’s all strategy, like running the ball up the middle in the fourth quarter. The worst thing about big-time soccer is the flops. And even they seem to be less blatant this year. And, yes, for some reason I love listening to American pundits talk about how soccer is boring. Keith Olbermann in particular. It’s like hanging a sign around your neck that says “I am a douche, with no appreciate for the aesthetics of things which were not bred into me, or at the very least come with a free stick of gum.”
I’m with you Sean. The ties don’t really bother me. Once the knockout stage comes along there aren’t any. Where did you get a Zidane fanny pack? That’s crazy. I have a couple Zizou France shirts. Have you ever seen Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait? Fascinating movie
The US are severely underrated. I predicted a 1-1 draw weeks before the game. I watched them at the Confederation Cup, and Dempsey and Donovan played in the Premier League this season. As do many of the defenders and Tim Howard. The US have always had consistently good keepers… Brad Freidle is arguably one of the top five in England, and Kasey Keller was awesome too.
Germany have been the only team that have looked at all impressive though. England were incredibly disappointing, and would have won if they’d played like they were playing a few months ago. Even Brazil look unimpressive. Maradona is too inept a coach to make the best of the players at his disposal. Germany or Spain to win it, I think.
However, I’m pretty sure ‘Schewinsteiger’ translates to ‘pig climber’, and not ’stabber’.
Most of the opeinig games are ties. It’s cagey. No one wants to lose their first game.
The USA just beat Slovenia, 2-2!!!