HUMOR
For Some Reason, I’m Not Feeling Lucky, Even Though a Pigeon Just Defecated on My FaceLOS ANGELES, CA 30 November 2007 |
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Money apparently buys happiness. According to University of Illinois psychologist Ed Diener, very rich people rate their level of life satisfaction substantially higher than do their impoverished counterparts. Adds Andrew Oswald, an economist at the University of Warwick in England: “There is overwhelming evidence that money buys happiness.”
The only remaining point of debate, then, seems to be: To what degree? And naturally, some people harbor serious doubts about the aforementioned notion, including yours truly. I’m not entirely convinced that money alone makes people happier. I think it’s much more complex than that.
Money and happiness often go hand in hand, sure. I can see how that could work. But I don’t necessarily believe that one begets the other in a directly proportional way. I don’t necessarily believe that money equals happiness. I live in Los Angeles, after all—home of some of the world’s most miserable rich people. The Hollywood Hills are infested with them.
Personally, I tend to believe that rich people are able to earn more money because of things like luck or the fact that they’re happier in the first place. I also tend to believe that the happiness these people enjoy has more to do with, say, relationships and biochemistry than it does with the money itself. Then again, maybe I’m just delusional. Maybe I’m just telling myself that money can’t buy happiness in an effort to make myself feel better about not being outrageously wealthy. Human beings have a tendency to do this kind of thing. We have a tendency to tell ourselves what we want to hear in an effort to make ourselves feel better, regardless of truth or circumstance. Somewhere along the line, some asshole makes up some maxim or invents some superstition that is designed to make people feel better about their utterly gross misfortune:
Money can’t buy happiness.
Rain on your wedding day means you’re destined for a bright future.
If a bird takes a shit on you, it’s a sign of good luck.
Sayings like these appear to have been born in moments of well-armored bitterness. A lot of times, they come equipped with an unmistakable sense of high-minded superiority. A standard defense mechanism.
Sure, that guy may have a private jet and a breathtaking concubine, but I bet he’s secretly miserable, deep down inside.
The truth is: probably not.
Or probably not any more than the next guy.
I got shit on by a bird once. It happened on my twenty-fourth birthday, in Paris. I was sitting at a café table outside, and I told myself that it meant good luck.
“I just got shit on,” I said to myself. “And it happened on my birthday. This must mean I’m in for a good year!”
The truth of the matter, though, is that a bird defecated on my shoulder, and people laughed at me.
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Defense mechanism: The key to the entire article — it would seem.
What surprises me is that people ACTUALLY believe the shit. How can anyone (anyone!?!) possibly believe that bird shit is good luck? Who comes up with that stuff?
Worse, someone actually had to be THE FIRST PERSON TO COME UP WITH THAT LINE. Seriously.
I don’t get it though. Why do people buy into it? Just cuz they heard it growing up? If bird shit were good luck, birds would be a rare and high priced commodity, would they not? Hell, I’d be squeezing bird turds on my head every day and waiting in the Lotto line.
Ugh.
A bat shit on my Mom’s head once. Seems to me that must be worth at a gift certificate or a $40.00 winning scratch ticket at the corner mart outside the old trailer park — at least.
I have a friend who says “I tend to ascribe meaning to meaningless things in hopes of feeling spiritual. Sometimes it pans out.”
Statistics are also strange birds who will stain you white. Trick might be that people with money tend to report themselves happier because, well it’s embarrasing to be depressed. I mean geez, all this money, y’know.
I live in a place wrought with the wrecthedly rich too and truth be known I think theirs happy and sad poor and rich.
Like I was told as a child. “God cares more about you being good than being happy.”
Dang.
there is? i meant…
But at least you got shit on in Paris, Brad.
That’s pretty lucky, I suppose.
I mean at least you weren’t shit on by a Poughkeepsie pigeon.
Or have you been?
Poughkeepsie pigeons are the worst. Incontinent.
Whether I step in it, get pooped on, or watch it splat on my friends, I tend to correlate bird shit with bad days…
With that said, there’s some rich folks around here in the breadbasket of America who seem pretty sad. At least that’s my perception. Why else would they spend so much time at the salons and plastic surgeons? They must be unhappy with themselves to some degree…
And the one lady around here(and I’m sure there’s more) whose nipples decayed and turned black. I bet all her money can’t buy her happiness right now…
Brad
The hilarious title was enough for me.
But in terms of happiness, money is neutral. You can either use it wisely or stupidly.
Maybe to get a hat, to protect your head from shit.
Nice piece Brad.
And as far as maxims designed to make people feel better about their utterly gross misfortune, let’s not forget:
Beauty is on the Inside
-Handsome Johnny Box
I think happiness comes from within. I guess if you had more money, you could do a lot more interesting things, but what about how you feel about yourself and others?
Sure, I may trip on my old, scrunched up carpet, but at least my priorities are straight. I may not have enough money to buy something I want/need, and sometimes I wish I was more comfortable financially.. but the good news is, that I have me. I know who I am. I know what’s important in life.. and though I may say that I don’t think that all rich people are superficial, not all poor people have pity parties and cry in squander. I guess you can’t argue with statistics.. oh, wait, I think I just did.:P I wonder how these studies were given..
I forgot to mention that I love reading your blogs..
Also, I’m a teacher. I get paid crap.. but I love what I do. It’s funny, when I was actually thinking about a career, people always told me.. you can either pick a career you love, or a career that makes more money. lolz, Gr8.
Whether or not money buys happiness, it’s clear that no money doesn’t buy anything, so between the two, you have a lot better chance buying happiness (or an almost exact facsimile) with actual money.