MUSIC
When Absurdist Existential Creative-Nonfictionalist Writers D.J. Old Skool Nite at Southern Skating Rinks: A Line by Line Philosophical Exegesis of Too Much Booty in the PantsTHE DEEP SOUTH 14 May 2009 |
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"I will become even more undignified, I will dance all the days of my life" - King David - II Samuel:14
(please note that the original six minute and forty-three second 12inch dance mix of this song was utilized and the lyrics contained are complete)
Dance: as defined by Webster – to move or seem to move up and down or about in a quick or lively manner.
..
Dance, too much booty in the pants
At first a seemingly paradoxical grouping of phrases – initially the encouragement to dance, followed by the declaration that somehow there are pants with entirely too much booty in them. Would this be conducive to dancing? One must ask themselves the existential question – could there ever be too much booty in any pair of pants? How much booty would be too much? Does this hinder or assist one with the act of dancing?
Dance, too much booty in the pants
Here the artist, the eminent yet mysteriously moniker-ed Soundmaster T, is letting us know that what we heard is not a mistake, he is affirming his observation and command. Not only are dance and too much booty in the pants not opposing one another, they are actually complementary as if it could be said : Because there is too much booty in the pants, you should by all means celebrate this true-ism by engaging in the dance.
One might be tempted to think that upon the third repeat of this phrase that the narrator is pleading, begging his unseen charge to engage in ritual shaking but note that his tone is even and unchanged, he is simply speaking truth, a truth as timeless as time itself, even timelesser than time because - well time isn’t timeless at all. He is utilizing classic literary device, a repeated stanza for emphasis, in effect saying this is true that the size of one’s ass in proportion to one’s pants is effectively irrelevant, that we are one collective ass, in one collective pants, that we are in this ill-fitting, too-tight in the crotch thing called life together and there is always too little pant and too much booty and what should our response be?
To rail against booty or pants?
Or free your mind and dance?
Dance, too much booty in the pants
This is not some Robert Dylan or WIlliam Joel - this is the Master of Sound needing no further signifier than the capital letter “T”. Thus SoundMaster T has spoken:
We must seize this day and the rhythm of the night! Sit not idle and stiff my people!
Pandemic coming
Pump up the Volume Pump up the Volume Pump up the Volume dance now
Congressional jihad
Come together now and bust a move
You are getting old and fat
Can't touch this
Stock markets crash
All I wanna do is a zoom-a-zoom zoom in the boom boom
Unemployment rising
I found you, Ms New Booty
Apocalypse near
Tell me friends – this roof - is it on fire? Do we need water?
Dance, too much booty in the pants
SoundMaster T has spoken, steady and sure, his tempo unchanging as the truths he speaks.
Booty. Pants. Too Much. Dance.
Life is absurd Freak-a-zoids so report to the dance floor.
Before it is too late.
For this life
is but a moment
a blink of the eye
a few days of trouble
But the dance, is
eternal
Next: A theological dissertation of Zapp’s More Bounce to the Ounce vs. Whitney Houston’s Greatest Love of All
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Original Comment Thread Below
56 Comments »
Comment by James Michael Blaine |Edit This
2009-05-14 19:11:07
dance,
too much
booty
in the
pants
Comment by Simon Smithson |Edit This
2009-05-14 19:22:48
“How much booty would be too much?”
Aristotle wrestled with this very same question.
Reply to this comment
Comment by James Michael Blaine |Edit This
2009-05-14 19:26:50
dance,
too much
booty
in the
pants
Reply to this comment
Comment by josie |Edit This
2009-05-14 19:27:55
“truth… even timelesser than time” Very profound.
So are you reviewer aLBERt located (on your girlfriend)?
One freak-a-zoid reporting to the dance floor…
Comment by Megan |Edit This
2009-05-15 04:57:25
I was puzzled by the Comments Off too. Mainly cause I didn’t know that existed, and secondly because, like, why?
Could be arrogance, or could be confidence (not needing readers’ validation) or apathy or fragility (comments can sting sometimes). Or a combo.
Comment by josie |Edit This
2009-05-15 06:52:16
Fragily apathized overconfident arrogance? Yeah, you might be right.
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 07:15:32
The truth about a Roni
is she’s always on the phone
Comment by daveofapocalypse |Edit This
2009-05-15 09:57:32
I could not agree more!!!!!
Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 10:39:15
But my heart
belongs to a Roni
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Reply here
Comment by James Michael Blaine |Edit This
2009-05-14 19:30:48
Reviewer aLBERt located?
That was wonderfully bizarre.
The FatBoys are back.
Comment by josie |Edit This
2009-05-14 19:38:24
I have a whole case of stale myspace kudos for the first person who can tell JMB what that is in reference to!!!
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Comment by josie |Edit This
2009-05-18 09:07:12
The fact that no one responded to this makes me wonder how much people pay attention to those hyperlinks you writers always post.
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Comment by James Michael Blaine |Edit This
2009-05-14 19:54:35
And you know they could never be wack
Comment by Erika Rae |Edit This
2009-05-14 20:29:20
“…we are one collective ass, in one collective pants, that we are in this ill-fitting, too-tight in the crotch thing called life together and there is always too little pant and too much booty…”
James. You are spin master philosopher extraordinaire.
Zoom-a-zoom zoom in the boom boom, my friend. (Translation: “Please don’t ever stop writing.”)
Comment by James Michael Blaine |Edit This
2009-05-14 20:35:24
The Freaks Come Out at Night
Comment by James Michael Blaine |Edit This
2009-05-14 20:36:14
Marni Grossman is
bitin’ me stylee.
Comment by Erika Rae |Edit This
2009-05-14 21:03:31
I love Marni. Perhaps she will come shake it her thang with us soon.
Join us, M is for Marni.
Join us.
Join us and get your freak on.
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Comment by James Michael Blaine |Edit This
2009-05-14 21:15:30
I freak
therefore
I am
Comment by Erika Rae |Edit This
2009-05-15 11:22:28
I like that boom boom pow
Them chickens jackin’ my style
They try and copy my swagger
I’m on that next shit now
I’m so 3008
You so 2000 and late
I got that boom boom boom
That future boom boom boom
Let me get it now…
(It’s 2 o’clock in the afternoon. Do you know where your freak is?)
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 12:04:42
I love and hate that song at the same time.
It is so annoying and yet so hooky, such magical crap.
Very Planet Rock, its got the perfect skating rink train beat.
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Comment by Erika Rae |Edit This
2009-05-15 12:20:20
I know just what you mean…
Reply here
Comment by Zara Potts |Edit This
2009-05-14 23:40:27
I wish I had too much booty in my pants.
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 07:19:35
Black girls, white girls,
skinny girls, fat girls,
tall girls, small girls.
I’m callin all girls
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Comment by Dawn Corrigan |Edit This
2009-05-15 02:09:49
I will become even more undignified
I will not sit idle and stiff
or grow old and fat
while stock markets crash
I will carry water for the fire
I will report to the dance floor
Reply to this comment
Comment by Dawn Corrigan |Edit This
2009-05-15 02:10:39
P.S. Thanks. I needed that.
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 07:20:42
Luv to luv you baby
what a cool comment.
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Comment by Dawn Corrigan |Edit This
2009-05-15 08:49:40
Back at ya.
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Comment by Rich Ferguson |Edit This
2009-05-15 04:07:54
Oh yeah, Brother. I. Feel. Your. Heat. In a big way.
Rave on.
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 07:30:07
Ding dong el timbre suena
Rico Suave
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Comment by Megan |Edit This
2009-05-15 04:52:18
Reporting to the dance floor, sir.
Sometimes I have too much booty in my pants but it depends on the pants themselves. Like Gap has vanity sizing but Guess absolutely does not.
Dance, ironically, a very effective way to reduce the booty in one’s pants. This was the perfect Friday post though it went up on Thursday.
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 07:39:06
She ain’t got that boom like u do
And she don’t move a room like u do
And she aint got that junk in her trunk or that bump that I want
And that girl ain’t got the moves like u do
Reply to this comment
Comment by Kimberly M. Wetherell |Edit This
2009-05-15 05:14:18
If God is a DJ
And life is a dance floor
Then you are the music, JMB.
You have officially just put a boogie in my butt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4le6Zr86ojs
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 07:40:39
I am God’s DJ
Roller Rabbit
forever more
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Comment by Irene Zion (Lenore Zion’s Mom) |Edit This
2009-05-15 06:36:57
James Michael Blaine,
Dance is not expressive if there is not enough booty in the pants.
Dance is not cathartic if there is not enough booty in the pants.
Dance is not beauty if there is not enough booty in the pants.
Dance is not fun if there is not enough booty in the pants.
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 07:53:25
I got a special shout-out to the lovely Ms. Zion…
girl, u are 2 me
all that a woman should be
& I celebrate my love
to you always
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Comment by amanda |Edit This
2009-05-15 06:52:59
The music video for this song will ironically reference the various animal-print Spandex costumes worn in LL Cool J’s “big ol’ butt” video…only much MUCH better.
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 07:59:59
It will feature Soren Kirkegard, Dostoyevsky, Kafka and Eric Hoffer
doing the
electric slide
(many stars to you for citing an awesome and not nearly known enough LL Cool J song.)
Stacy got a big ole butt
I know I told you I’d be true
but Stacy got a big ole butt
so I’m leaving you
Reply to this comment
Comment by amanda |Edit This
2009-05-15 10:09:55
It’s all about the bit where he steps out–over and over and over–for bigger and better butts.
Much like your question about how much booty is too much booty (which in turn brings to mind wood, woodchucks, and wood-chucking), LL’s song gives rise to the question, “At what point does that big ol’ butt get so big and ol’, that you just can’t get any bigger or ol’er?”
heh.
(It is one hour from becoming the first long weekend of “summer” here in Canada…as you can see, I am spending my office time wisely…)
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 10:42:03
Gimme that Donkey Butt
and them big ole’ legs
I aint too proud to beg
aint no shame in this game
gonna break it down
and beg like James
Please
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Comment by Amanda |Edit This
2009-05-15 12:11:50
Haaaaa!
: )
Reply here
Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 08:01:47
dance,
too much
booty
in the
pants
Reply to this comment
Comment by Reno |Edit This
2009-05-15 09:13:40
heh. what else can i say?
other than i like your jams and that i’m a huge fan of booty.
r
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 09:45:14
There was only one metal/funk song I thought was worth anything -
Anthrax/Public Enemy’s Bring Tha Noize.
It was glorious though.
Oh, and I did like Body Count’s There Goes the Neighborhood
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Comment by daveofapocalypse |Edit This
2009-05-15 10:03:27
It had always been my assumption that “Dance - too much booty in the pants,” contained an element of implication that due to the excessive amount of booty confined within the pants, said pants should be removed, thus restoring the previously restrained booty to its natural environment. If nothing else, I feel the overall sentiment is that if fault lies anywhere, it is definitely with the pants which do not fully accommodate the booty, and not with the booty ever-shackled in the pants. So in the booty vs pants debate, I guess one could say I am pro-booty.
Whatever the case, I highly recommend watching Fear of a Black Hat if you have not yet seen it.
And furthermore, youtube The Booty Don’t Stop.
If you haven’t noticed - I know a few things about booty.
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 10:48:21
This man right here got comment gold!
Kick a big shout-out to Apocalypse Dave!
Pro-booty!
(Dave wins “Booty Mix ‘96″, on vinyl.)
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Comment by daveofapocalypse |Edit This
2009-05-15 11:19:09
And might I add,
My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns hon.
You can do side-bends or situps - but please don’t lose that butt.
…
…
Gimme a sista, can’t resist her -
Red beans and rice didn’t miss her…
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 12:07:02
I’ll put
“red beans and rice didnt miss her”
up against anything
Plato, Socrates or Norm Chomsky put out.
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-15 10:51:03
I should mention that after the song got popular,
Soundmaster T went back and re-recorded more lyrics,
which were everybit as wonderful and deep
Come on, party people, don’t stop
We gon’ take it straight to tha top
Too much booty in yo’ pants
Put the fellas in a trance
Yo, fellas lemme hear you say yeah!
(Fellas: YEAH!)
You like a big booty, say yeah!
(Fellas: YEAH!)
All you ladies in the house say yeah!
(Ladies: YEAH!)
If you got the big booty say yeah!
(Ladies: YEAH!)
I got somethin’ fo’ yo’ soul
Shake that booty, make it roll!
Work it work it ain’t no stoppin’
Keep on keep on keep on rockin’
Twist that booty ’round and ’round
Bring it on down!
Bring it on down!
Now I got ya in the groove
Shake that booty like a fool
All the ladies with tha boo
1, 2, 3, lemme hear you say
Boom shakka lakka boom shakka lakka boom!
(Ladies: BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA BOOM!)
Yeah, say boom shakka lakka boom shakka lakka boom!
(Ladies: BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA BOOM SHAKKA LAKKA BOOM!)
Aw yeah!
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Comment by Lenore |Edit This
2009-05-16 10:03:42
for some reason, i was laughing through this entire thing.
especially the sentence: booty. pants. too much. dance.
i think i might start saying that all the time, for absolutely no reason. and people will hit me. but it will be worth it.
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Comment by Erika Rae |Edit This
2009-05-16 17:38:03
I found occasion to say “too much booty in the pants” no less than four times today.
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-16 22:33:55
My child,
you are close
to the Kingdom
indeed
This is the best comment thread….. ever.
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-16 16:33:35
can Lenore dance?
Or are you an awkward chicken?
sittin’ at home
watchin’ Aresenio Hall
when I got my black book
for a freak to call
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Comment by jmb |Edit This
2009-05-16 22:31:40
dance,
too much
booty
in the
pants
Reply to this comment
Comment by Meg |Edit This
2009-05-19 10:58:22
Alas, I lack too much booty in the pants.
I need a booty boost.
Look at that white girl go
all soul and funk and sass,
but ain’t it terrible shame
the poor thing ain’t got no ass.
Reply to this comment
Comment by Rachel Pollon |Edit This
2009-05-19 16:22:45
L-to the-O-to the L, y’all!
And I quote:
“He is utilizing classic literary device, a repeated stanza for emphasis, in effect saying this is true that the size of one’s ass in proportion to one’s pants is effectively irrelevant, that we are one collective ass, in one collective pants, that we are in this ill-fitting, too-tight in the crotch thing called life together and there is always too little pant and too much booty and what should our response be?
To rail against booty or pants?
Or free your mind and dance?”
Too good!
I really wanna dance now.
P.S. That B.E.P.’s song is my secret shame/love. Come on, anyone who doesn’t feel the urge to shake it when hearing that is holding something down.
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Comment by jmblaine |Edit This
2009-05-20 20:28:29
Oh yeah, I got the skates out to that BEP song and mixed it right into Lookout Weekend by Debbie Deb.
too much is not enough
Authors Note: This might be my most honest post. I am entirely serious and somehow too silly at the same time. I don’t like music that a lot of other thinkers do though - I dont like Dylan or Wilco or that stuff. I like this stuff. And I’m always trying to figure out how that fits in with my philosophies. Fun comment thread too.