MEMOIR
Forever & Story: Dreaming my Dreams with YouTHE DEEP SOUTH 23 March 2009 |
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Late Sunday afternoon and we are driving through the countryside with the windows down just south of town. Tennessee at its finest, rolling hills and patchwork farms, creeks winding their way through thickets of pine. The rich loamy aroma of horses and sweet prairie hay. Nobody living too close to one another. We’ve got our eye on some land out here.
Soon the college era will end. My wife will graduate next summer in a pretty prestigious program from a top-notch University and I confess, for all my monastic yarn I am thinking upon material things. She’s not sure exactly what area she wants to work in but she’ll be doing well whatever it is.
“I might just deliver babies. For awhile,” she says.
“That’d be good,” I nod, hoping she’ll keep me around, if not for my effortless charm and wit then perhaps my handyman abilities. “I saw in that Nashville women's magazine a lot more mothers are having babies at home. Doing the whole natural thing.”
“Sweet little babies,” she coos, holding her hands slightly apart.
“Do what you want though,” I tell her. “Don’t worry about the money.”
They say money doesn't fix your problems but I figure folks that say that probably don't have any. I plan on giving it a good effort. I've got some issues I'd love to apply a little cash to, see what happens. I'll let you know.
My wife doesn’t want for much, some land and a cabin, not too big but built just the way we want it. A good porch and neighbors not too close. Said it was fine with her if we lived in a mobile home on the land while we were building our place.
“I’d want to keep the trailer even after we got the house built,” I tell her.
“Well of course.” She replies. “Our family could sleep over there when they visit, not have to stay with us.”
“And we could live over there a little too,” I offer. "Trailer sleeps good on a rainy night."
“Oh yes,” she says. “I like a trailer.”
It’s quite nice driving the back roads and looking at the land, planning out a little cabin in the woods, maybe there next to where the water spills down over the rock and splashes into a shallow pool below.
“Look baby, right there by the little waterfall," she says. "We could sleep with the windows open when the weather turned cool.”
I nod, no further words needed.
It’s nice to let my mind unravel a bit and dream. Might get some overalls, an old pickup to drive around the fields, grow a little kitchen garden. Get me a tractor, nothing too big.
“Once we get settled in I want to try and eat everything we can natural,” I say.
“We should,” she answers.
“I could get some laying hens,” I declare.
“Probably easier to let somebody else keep chickens, just buy their eggs,” she suggests.
"Probably," I say ading this: “And goat's milk. I hear its better, closer to mother’s milk.”
“Goat’s milk is like four dollars a quart at Kroger,” she replies.
“I could get a Nanny goat. And milk her. We could name her - Maudine," The words feel magical and light, like the grandest idea of all times. I see myself, in overalls, milking goats.“Baa~” I bleat.
“You go right ahead baby,” she answers back. She smiles, just slightly, slips her hand into mine and the whole world slows to a crawl, the sun fading red over far mountain. I ease the car down to a leisurely 15, hang my head out the window and breathe...
I don’t know if any of this will happen and am fairly certain none of it will happen just as we think or plan. Rabbi Yeshua taught that the kingdom of God was near, much closer than one might imagine. That it wasn’t necessarily some far away heaven but rather a way of living that valued the good things of life today and therefore made a better hope for tomorrow. I struggle endlessly with that sort of thinking and truth be told I am far from the Kingdom.
"We're not spending some crazy amount on a house now," my wife says. She digs out her nail file and works at the fingers of my right hand.
"I know," I answer.
"We have to give more to the Children's hospital," she says.
"Of course," I reply.
I know the riches in life are now, today, a virtuous wife whose arms are never closed, one who is wise, discerning and always charitable, who walks in kindness and patience and through example teaches me all these things.
We drive awhile, the silence easy and right before I feel her eyes upon me as the day gives way to dusk. She studies me in the dark car, her hand smoothing down the sleeve of my shirt. "Had that dream again," she says. The Dream of Twin Daughters. My wild curls, her light blue eyes. Calla Lily and Mary Madeline. “Except last night,” she adds, her brows pitched, “They had new names. Ever and Story.”
“Ever. Story,” I repeat. “Maybe that’s their middle names. You know, Mary Ever Madeline.”
She turns her head to the open glass, to the endless fields of green. “Maybe,” She says softly. And then, the words barely above a whisper. "What do you think dreams mean?"
I taste and test the words a little before my reply. "I don't know."
Riding the highway back home, the white lines take my mind to a little cabin in the pines, right next to where sweet water flows from the rock. The front porch windows glow in the distance, drawing near, laughter and love, twin girls with curly hair and pale blue eyes. Stories without end, forever, Amen.
My wife, you see, she knows things.
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Original Comment Thread Below:
Comment by James Michael Blaine
2009-03-23 19:51:51
Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above diamonds
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
Strength and honor are her clothing;
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
breathe…
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Comment by Irene Zion on the road again
2009-03-24 08:31:27
James Michael Blaine,
This is part of Proverbs 31:
(I think it starts with: “A Wife of Noble Character”)
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
The first time I saw Rene Zellweger was in a movie called “A Price Above Rubies.”
It was powerful.
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Comment by James Michael Blaine
2009-03-24 08:54:08
Ah friend, you know my sources.
Mine is from the NLT translation.
It’s a fine thing to read Torah and find that you have a Proverbs 31 wife.
I bet you know who Rabbi Yeshua is as well.
thank you so much for adding this,
Your husband thinks the same, no doubt.
(Comments wont nest below this level)
Comment by Irene Zion on the road again
2009-03-24 09:15:56
At the very least, he’s used to me, after 40 years, six kids, two fatally ill mothers-in-law living with us, too many cats to count, one blue front amazon parrot, at least nine dogs and a major crisis roughly every six months.
Comment by James Michael Blaine
2009-03-24 11:57:40
Irene Zion,
far beyond Rubies
Reply here
Comment by Erika Rae
2009-03-23 20:06:43
I feel like I just had a spa treatment.
I feel like running barefoot through fields of spring flowers now. I’m pretty sure you’re right - that’s heaven right there.
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Comment by josie
2009-03-23 20:52:01
Forever, Amen.
The simple dreams of land and home, to dwell in the notion of family growth. You’re thoughts hearken back to a timeless vision of ancestors long gone. Is this not what God dreamed from the very beginning?
A beautiful treasure blooming even now.
You’re closer than you think, my friend.
You are amidst the garden.
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Comment by josie
2009-03-23 20:55:39
PS - please let me help you pick the drapes - those orange ones clash with the foil.
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Comment by Irene Zion on the road again
2009-03-24 06:11:08
James Michael Blaine,
Story and Ever are perfect names for your children. How lucky they will be to be born to your gentle family.
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Comment by Kimberly M. Wetherell
2009-03-24 06:19:46
Dang, this was purdy.
p.s. Was that Allison Krauss? Loved it.
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Comment by James Michael Blaine
2009-03-24 07:10:27
Thank you all.
Indeed, Alison Krauss, singing an old Waylon song.
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Comment by Megan
2009-03-24 07:19:07
Story and Ever ARE the perfect names for your children! Hurry up and have them so we can all fawn. Click the breathe link!
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Comment by James Michael Blaine
2009-03-24 07:29:42
Thank you Megan friend.
(By the way, this is not a ‘we’re pregnant’ announcement.)
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Comment by Jennifer Duffield White
2009-03-24 07:30:59
That breathe link was perfect.
I sometimes get jaded about “love,” but with you and Mr. Maksik writing so damn beautifully about it, well … I find myself wanting to fall in love this week.
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Comment by Kimberly M. Wetherell
2009-03-24 19:54:35
I know, right???
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Comment by Dawn Corrigan
2009-03-24 07:45:20
Thank you for letting us hang out with you and your lovely, good wife for a bit.
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Comment by James Michael Blaine
2009-03-24 08:48:21
Well thank you, ma’ams.
For spending a little time here with me.
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Comment by Lenore
2009-03-24 14:33:01
hahaha, trailor = womb for you!
you should make goat cheese with your future goats. then you can have really good salads.
i think you might be the sweetest man alive, btw.
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Comment by jmb
2009-03-24 18:36:11
Friend, I am truly saved by grace.
Grace and goat cheese.
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Comment by Rich Ferguson
2009-03-24 14:44:21
I so enjoy these posts with you and your wife. I just love how the two of you talk to each other.
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Comment by jmb
2009-03-24 18:38:01
Well thank you my brother.
They are really hard for me to write but a good teacher told me to not shoot Roman Candles all the time and just be me…..
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Comment by John
2009-03-24 14:48:58
I’m always impressed with the simple elegance and beauty of your prose. I’ll always feel a little indebted to TNB for all of these amazing authors/writers/bloggers/humorists/poets that it has exposed me to.
I can’t help but feel a little jealous. The beautiful wife, the beautiful countryside, the beautiful dreams…
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Comment by jmb
2009-03-24 18:41:39
John, thank you sire, that was very kind.
Elegance and beauty, she teaches me those things too.
Beautiful dreams come from beautiful struggles, we’ve had plenty of those too.
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Comment by Marni Grossman
2009-03-24 17:53:57
I tend to resent people who love the land. Who love the idea of living simply. I don’t understand these people and the fact that they tend to implicate me, to throw into relief my entitlement and materialism…it irritates me.
“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately.” This line from Thoreau always inspires a “fuck you” from me.
But coming from you, I wonder whether I ought not take another look.
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Comment by jmb
2009-03-24 18:48:16
Heh, My dad calls me Henry David when I get that way.
I told him once I wanted to be like Thoreau.
“Thoreau was lazy,” he scoffed.
To be honest with you, I feel the same way sometimes. I’m still plenty materialistic.
Tractors and Nanny Goats wont automatically bring me peace, cause my messed-up self will still be out there, making war.
Walden isnt a place, its a feeling and a state of mind, it could be Times Square or the side cell of the county jail.
Hey, great comment.
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Comment by sheree
2009-03-25 12:24:47
Damn this made me miss living in Clinton TN. Foleyhill road up in the hills all covered with snow and low fog, sun straining to break through to my California bones.
Beautiful read. Thanks.
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Comment by jmb
2009-03-27 06:51:37
Once you get Tennessee in your bones…
Authors Note:
I was asked recently what my favorite TNB story might be and no doubt it is this one, I can still get choked up reading it and it seems to be one of the few times I captured what was in that car, in that moment, in my true love’s eyes. A little bit.